How long does a heart bleed at first?
Find a Conversation
How long does a heart bleed at first?
| Fri, 07-06-2007 - 10:35pm |
I just broke up with my first boyfriend after four years of a long-distance relationship. I loved him for two years before that, and I suppose for many years to come. Neither of us did anything specific to end the relationship, and I suppose that is why I have doubts. I had spent some time in the hospital (everything's okay now) but because I couldn't drive myself from NJ (where Dad and Drew are) to NC (where Mom and my stepdad are) we needed to figure out how to get me transported. I came out on Friday and since I didn't have the right insurance, Dad fought with my Mom and I to get me transported by Sunday, even though I'd be covered (but his listening issues are for another board).
I tried to get Drew to see me one last time. I got to see him for two days this year, yeah, this year, and wouldn't see him till winter break in December. He couldn't make it. Rather, he doesn't put forth drastic effort unless he has to, and since taking a taxi for a ten minute drive counts as drastic, no mode of transport occured to him. He can't drive because snafu's with getting a license as a disabled person (as did I), but if I could drive eight hours to another state and take taxi rides to his house (not to mention getting into fights with a discriminating father), he should be able to take a taxi for a few minutes.
Between my fighting with my parents and begging Drew to see me in tears, I realized that neither of us were in a position for the relationship that I wish for us to have. I would live and die for him as long as I had faith he would stand beside me through anything. That night as my Dad screamed, and even through a water bottle towards me, I realized that he could not, and was not ready to live and die and fight against troubles with me.
I could pressure him into that, make him do more in his life like an my aunt did when she took up my uncle. He didn't believe in how much he could do, or wanted to do. But I am not like my aunt. I am blunt and harsh, aggressive, and stubborn. I am not ready to nurture anyone, especially since I'm unsure what to nurture into him, or if I should.
So I called him and had to break up with over the phone.
I was hysterical that night, and now when he calls to make sure I'm recovering okay my face hurts from trying not to cry. There is still nothing I would do for him, but I don't know what to do with myself. I have trouble trusting men. I was molested as a child, and Drew made me feel safe and loved, when he did get to pay attention. I just don't know if I could love or trust another man to love me, help me, fight with me, for me, or be with me. I'm only twenty years old and I feel like I just ruined everything good in my life.
How long does a broken heart bleed for the first time?
I tried to get Drew to see me one last time. I got to see him for two days this year, yeah, this year, and wouldn't see him till winter break in December. He couldn't make it. Rather, he doesn't put forth drastic effort unless he has to, and since taking a taxi for a ten minute drive counts as drastic, no mode of transport occured to him. He can't drive because snafu's with getting a license as a disabled person (as did I), but if I could drive eight hours to another state and take taxi rides to his house (not to mention getting into fights with a discriminating father), he should be able to take a taxi for a few minutes.
Between my fighting with my parents and begging Drew to see me in tears, I realized that neither of us were in a position for the relationship that I wish for us to have. I would live and die for him as long as I had faith he would stand beside me through anything. That night as my Dad screamed, and even through a water bottle towards me, I realized that he could not, and was not ready to live and die and fight against troubles with me.
I could pressure him into that, make him do more in his life like an my aunt did when she took up my uncle. He didn't believe in how much he could do, or wanted to do. But I am not like my aunt. I am blunt and harsh, aggressive, and stubborn. I am not ready to nurture anyone, especially since I'm unsure what to nurture into him, or if I should.
So I called him and had to break up with over the phone.
I was hysterical that night, and now when he calls to make sure I'm recovering okay my face hurts from trying not to cry. There is still nothing I would do for him, but I don't know what to do with myself. I have trouble trusting men. I was molested as a child, and Drew made me feel safe and loved, when he did get to pay attention. I just don't know if I could love or trust another man to love me, help me, fight with me, for me, or be with me. I'm only twenty years old and I feel like I just ruined everything good in my life.
How long does a broken heart bleed for the first time?

Welcome to the board callia134,
Long distance relationships are very hard for a lot of people.