How long does it take?
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How long does it take?
| Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:59pm |
I need some advice here...I have just ended a relationship that lasted two and half years. It was on and off for a long time. I am sure now that it is really over and I have just decided to have no contact with him anymore. He has called a couple of times and I have been really good because I just totally ignored the calls and I refuse to get caught up in the same old pattern of break up make up mode...it's over and I am relieved,
So....I know that I would like to date again. I have a hard time thinking about even being romantic with someone else...I had really put all my eggs in one basket with this guy so to speak. It's not like I have met anyone that I want to date, but I am really lonely. I know the pitfalls of a rebound affair and I definitely want to avoid that. I know this is a pretty personal thing. But I would like to get some insight from others on the "finding another man to help you forget the last one **versus** getting involved in things that don't involve a man...i.e. work, hobbies, home etc. I miss the company, I don't miss the low level negative energy, turmoil and tension, but I miss the good times. I think of when we first met and how happy I was...it's such a huge dissapointment when reality steals the magic from your dreams....I feel so empty and I am having nightmares, I don't sleep well and I find myself crying at odd times during the day. I lost my Dad in July of this year and I'm very emotionally fragile... I feel such a sense of loss...I am not sure where the pain is coming from anymore but for sure I am in pain..just really sad. I know I need to pick myself up...my co workers and my family see me as strong and fairly level about the whole thing...but I'm not...Any advise on how to get on the fast track to getting over this ....thanx... Blu
So....I know that I would like to date again. I have a hard time thinking about even being romantic with someone else...I had really put all my eggs in one basket with this guy so to speak. It's not like I have met anyone that I want to date, but I am really lonely. I know the pitfalls of a rebound affair and I definitely want to avoid that. I know this is a pretty personal thing. But I would like to get some insight from others on the "finding another man to help you forget the last one **versus** getting involved in things that don't involve a man...i.e. work, hobbies, home etc. I miss the company, I don't miss the low level negative energy, turmoil and tension, but I miss the good times. I think of when we first met and how happy I was...it's such a huge dissapointment when reality steals the magic from your dreams....I feel so empty and I am having nightmares, I don't sleep well and I find myself crying at odd times during the day. I lost my Dad in July of this year and I'm very emotionally fragile... I feel such a sense of loss...I am not sure where the pain is coming from anymore but for sure I am in pain..just really sad. I know I need to pick myself up...my co workers and my family see me as strong and fairly level about the whole thing...but I'm not...Any advise on how to get on the fast track to getting over this ....thanx... Blu

Hi, sorry to hear you are going through this, but TRUST me it will get better.
Some things I did when my break-up first happened was lean on friends and family, they were and still are a great support to me. I kept myself busy. I didn't want to be alone so I made sure I had something to do. When I was at work, I only concentrated on work, when I was in class I concentrated on my class, and when I was at home I made sure I had something to do. Weekends are going to be the hardest so try to plan something in advance for each weekend until you feel like you can make it through.
Don't, I repeat, DON'T get into another relationship. You'll just end up more heartbroken, because that will cause you think about your ex. Rebounds are not good ideas.
Write in a journal about all you are feeling, make goals for yourself.
Take care of yourself, make sure you're eating right and try to get sleep at night, trust me I know how hard that can be.
One thing that really helped me was writing letters to my ex about all I was feeling, and then throwing them away or burning them. Don't send them.
These are my suggestions.
HUGS,
~Amber
Well....you may not like my advice because it has to do with concentrating on YOU not finding another man. I don't know exactly how long you have been broken up from your ex but I was dumped 4 months ago by a person who I deeply loved and he basically got scared and ran from our 8 month relationship. The one thing I have done is to spend a lot of time with friends and leaving men alone. I have a 6 year old daughter and she actually has helped my heartache, so if you have family around, spend time with them. Since your are emotionally fragile right now, please just take this time to yourself. You will feel lonely at times but you will be a much stronger person for it. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and that is probably another reason why you are feeling lonely. Now that is has been 4 months with no contact from my ex, I am just now starting to think about getting back into the dating scene but I don't want anything hot-n-heavy right now because my heart is still healing.
You sound like a very strong, level-headed person and I know you will make it through this without doing something you regret. Surround yourself with positive thinking friends and family members and I guarantee your days will get better.
The advice that the other two posters left for you is very sound. I am a bit worried about what you said about finding someone to help you forget this past fellow... that would be a recipe for disaster. He may turn out to be a nice guy, and could/would be hurt by your "using" (for lack of a better word) him to forget your past partner.
You have experienced at least two "transitions" here... "transition" as defined by my counselor is when something happens in your life, and things will never be the same. You lost your Dad and your relationship... My Dad had a stroke and died in Feb. '96, and I was divorced a year later... so, again, listen to what the other two posters said about taking care of YOURSELF...
Journaling helped me immensely. When I get to thinking that I havent progressed much, I go back and read my journals and realize Ive come a great distance.
As for your question, how much time does it take? It takes however much you need... but if you will take care of yourself, you will be fine.
Good luck to you...
Jim