How long it takes to get over a breakup?
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:28am |
Hi I was wondering if you guys believe that the amount time it takes to get over break up is half the time you went out with the person. For example say a girl went out with a guy for a year it would take her 6 months to get over him, then around the time when she was over him is when he would begin to miss her and go through the pain of the breakup as guys tend to try and distract themselves so that they do not have to deal with the pain right away, whereas girls tend to deal with it right after it happens. I do not totally agree with this theory, but I have experienced similar situations with my ex's where right when I began to get over them, or was over them that they would call me and want to see me, so this somewhat holds this theory to be true. However, I am not so sure the amout of time really is determined by dividing how long you went out with the person.
What do you guys think. I personally really feel that it all depends on the individual and how much they loved the person and the circumstances of the situation. So let me know what you think about this, as my friend and I had a discussion about this today and I would like to see what the general consenus of this is.
Thanks

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There is no "set" time.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
I've found that that formula is roughly true for relationships of up to 2 years--but longer ones (thankfully!) don't follow it (I'd say for longer ones, it's more like a year, plus an additional month or so for each year you were in the relationship over 2 years). But it depends so much on things like no contact, who broke up with whom, all that stuff. If I have already accepted by the time we broke up that the guy wasn't right for me, and I have no contact, then I recover more quickly from those than the ones where I can't accept that and continue to keep in contact, that's for sure.
Sheri
good topic!
was wondering myself when will i be able to let go
i undertand what the earleir post said about "active grief" work.
it hink its about how much truth can the your spirit dare ( khalil gibran).
for 1 motnh after the break up i was in denail - thinkng i had lost the bestthing that happnened to me. now i see how much of a sham the whole t hignwas. how he lived in a world of lies - and would be begging for sincereity. the fights . my constant weeping. it wasn't pretty. and all in all I DO see how good it is i'm not with him. i couldnt live the rest of my life like that. in those lies. by lies i mean the kind he told HIMSELF and ME. about how everything is ging to be ok. well now i am not going to lie to myself anymore. accepetd how horrible it was. accepted how badly i was betrayed. i deserve better.
STATS:
4 year relationship. almost 2 months of NC. in a MUCH MUCH better place. i htink another few months i shall be ok. i think. thought i cant let g o the feeling he'll come and beg ( about the time i'm getting over him) and ill say no. f off. too late. but i want to get to a place where i dont even care about that . i think that will take much much longer. or unless he does come and beg. i think life comes a full circle. ex's always come and beg. don't they?
Hi thanks for the responses.
I agree that the amount of time it takes to recover from the relationship depends on a number of circumstances, as well as how deeply you felt for the person. I also agree that it depends on whom brokeup with whom. I am currently in the middle of recovering from a breakup. It has been about a month and half since we brokeup, and to my surprise as well as my friends surprise I am dealing with it very well. As I told myself that I was not going to dwell on it and deal with it the way I normal would have. So I decided to take a more positive approach to the whole thing. Whenever I feel down I read self-improvement articles, I am also using the breakup as a learning leason. I am using the sadness as my motivation to improve myself and do more things to make myself feel fullfilled.
The hard part about this whole breakup was that a few weeks before my b/f and I brokeup I was diagnoised with moderate depression and was in the processing of dropping my university courses because I could not cope with anything. The other thing that makes this whole process difficult is that he is the only guy that I have ever really been in love with. We went out with each other about 4 years ago. When we brokeup the first time it took about a year with hardly any contact for us to be okay with seeing one another at gatherings without it being weird. But in my heart I also loved him and even told my friends that in 5 years I think we will get back together. As I could sense that there was something still there between. Also he never went out with another girl during that period. He went on a few dates but that was about it. Well anyways this time we really have no contact with one another. We have chatted a few times on MSN and he has sent me a e-mail but that is about it. I miss him like crazy and at times find myself questiong things as it did not end because of something either one of us did. Just one day we ended up breaking up. Deep in my heart I know and everyone has told me that they just do not feel that he is ready for a really serious serious relationship. As he has never had another g/f besides me. So because of this it makes it hard at times to deal with it. But I have told myself that there is no point in dwelling on things so I have been focusing on dealing with my depression and doing things to make myself happy. I decided to take this semester off from school as I realized that I was just so burnt out. That was one of the hardest choices I have ever made. Ever since before I was in pre-school I have not had 3 months off. Sure I am still working doing therapy with autistic children, but I am not use to having more free time. As ever summer I always go to school,then as soon as I finish classes I work as I get bored and feel lazy if I have alot of free time. But I have come to terms with that and realized that I really needed to do that for myself if I want to feel more happy with myself and my life.
No, it's not a "time limit", it's a time frame that can be a guideline for people so they are not beating themselves up when they are not over their ex in a week, no matter how "spiritual" they are.
Sheri
I've been broken up now for 2 weeks after a 4 yr relationship.
We do live together but he hasn't been here (staying at friends house). So basically I'm trying to be strong. I do my fair share of crying my eyes out and weeping to my poor friends who I know have to be sick of listening to me (even though they'd never tell me that). I know deep down I would love for him to come crawling back begging for my forgiveness and tell me that he wants to be with me.... but I also know that it's not a good relationship. He's a jerk and really didn't treat me well emotionally and I know this. I read somewhere, thru my tears last week, that you should act like it doesn't bother you even it your dying inside, smile smile smile b/c untimately you will be, and if he does call you or make contact with you that you should keep it less than 8 min and always hang up first. Sooooo I'm trying all of these things. I refuse to let him think that he's won and ruined my life. Yeah it sucks that I'm the one at home and he's out partying but I'm ready to settle down and I'm sure I won't find that person in a bar at 34 yrs of age. All he's gonna find is a disease :~)
Like everyone else, I think it depends on many factors. It took me three years to fully get over my first relationship (a relationship which lasted slightly less than 2 years). When I say "fully get over", I mean I can hear about him dating other people and feel nothing. But I think I felt "okay" about it about three months after the initial break-up. And by "okay" I mean I could function like a normal person and didn't have obsessive thoughts about him and/or wanting to get back together.
Currently I'm a little over a month out of a 1 year relationship. It's definitely a lot better than it was in the first few weeks after the break-up when I thought my life was over (yes, I can get a little dramatic). The last couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of the "active grieving" stuff that others have mentioned, and I feel that I've healed a lot more than I would have if I just "waited" for the pain to go away. I'm not 100% yet, and I don't anticipate that I will be for a while. But I have high hopes. In the meantime, I'm enjoying taking care of myself (when I'm with a man, I have a tendency to lose myself) and getting back to being a single gal.
I ask myself the very same question, when will the hurting stop. I was lied to from day one and didn't know it. This man was and probably still is on drugs. Don't know that for sure but I know he done them when we were together. We kinda broke up around July but have kept in contact. Somehow it's got to stop.
We were together for almost two years.
Things got so bad for me that I even went and got a marriage lic. and almost married my ex husband again last week. Him and I were married for almost 20 years. I do know that he really loved me tho after being with the biggest loser in the county for two years. The ex hubby and I have three children together but I still can't get back with him while I'm hurting over the ex boyfriend. The marriage lic expire in 60 days... my my, what have I done.... The ex hubby isn't pushing me at all. He's leaving me alone but still showing concern. I feel he never fell out of love with me. He never did drugs, never hit me, never intentionally hurt me in anyway. The exboyfriend on the other hand, did drugs, hit me in front of my children, when we were out together it was as if I wasn't there. I don't feel like an ugly person, matterafact people would ask me why I was with him, I was to pretty and to much of a lady to be with him. Here lately I have felt not so pretty so I've started going to second hand stores, just shopping in general but trying not to spend to much. It's still fun. I've been meeting with girlfriends for lunch. Just doing things for me. It's helping...
If you can find other things to do to keep your mind somewhere else you're not thinking about the ex. That's the thing. Try not to think about him. The exboyfriend sends me e-mails everyday. I'm thinking of blocking him very soon. I don't know if I'm quite ready for that but I'm going to try.
Keep us informed..
SadandInsane
Hi thanks for all the responses. I hope that all of you are doing okay with your breakups and I would love to be updated on how you guys are doing. Also if you guys need any advice feel free to ask. As for the breakup I am going through. I love my ex b/f with all of my heart but I have come to realize that if it is meant to be it will work out in the end, and if doesn't work out then atleast I had another chance with him, so that I would not have to spend my life wondering what could have been with him. Secondly, I am using this whole mess as motivation to learn that I need to start caring about myself more than others. As all my life I have been the friend or girlfriend or whatever that would put others before herself. I am just naturlly a caring person and find joy in helping others. That is probably why I am studying psychology in school and hoping one day to be a counsellor. But as good as it can be to be a caring person, it also has its down falls. I also have tendency to let my personal relationships get in the way of other things in my life such as school. Even despite the fact that my ex b/f would always be supportive and would have much rather had me do my school work then just go and visit him for a couple hours as he knows how important school is and was to me. But I bring these things on myself. So I have made this one of my goals to work on for myself. I also am just using this time focus on getting through my depression. I signed up for a Pilates class a this dance studio that I went to a year ago. So I will be doing that for an hour every friday for 3 months. I figured that would be a good way to reduce my stress and make me feel better about things.
Please update me on how you guys have been doing.
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