How long until im over him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
How long until im over him?
5
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:56pm
Hi im new here. im 19 and split up with my boyfriend of four years about four months ago. He hadnt treated me well for the last 3 years. There was constant cheating and lies. He left me for another girl and we have a baby together. He only comes to see her every month or so. I no im better off out of it, but i cant seem to move on. i think about him all the time and i no if he wanted to come back i would take him back. Its like he has some kind of hold over me and it doesn't seem to matter what he does i cant stay angry at him. He has really hurt me yet im still waiting to see if he will come back. I have some really good friends and go out as often as i can while trying to be a single mum. i just want to get to the stage where i can say, ok i love him but it didn't work and now its time to move on. But it doesn't seem to be happening. Any advice appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 12:32am
i am so sorry you are hurting from this breakup and i am sure having a child together does not make it easy for you. no contact is the best way to get over someone but if you share a child that is not possible.

do you have family nearby that will help you get through this? You said you weprre going out with friends and that is good too....just try to stay busy and live your life and pretty soon you will notice missing him less and less but it is a long process and you were with him for a few years.

try to remember how young you are and that you have your whole life ahead of you...and when you are more grown up he is probably not the kind of person you would want to share your life with anyway.

concentrate on your child and make sure you are preparing yourself for getting a good job...school or technical training would be good and a way to meet new people...

good luck to you and i will remember you in my prayers...god bless

and know that many are going thru the same thing just putting one foot in front of the other...taking it one day at a time...

hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:39am
I just have to comment and say, it's going to take you some time to get over him and heal from your pain. Since you have a child with him, that process is going to take longer. But if you believe that one day your not going to feel this way, then I guarantee you it will happen for you. I had a "fling" for 4 months, and it's been 7 weeks since I spoke to him and it has been the roughest and hardiest days I felt in along time. So I know you were in a relationship with this person for longer, so it may take you longer then me. I still hurt and cry, but today, 11/10/04, was a different feeling. I can't explain it, but my feelings for him switched to feeling sad and crying and missing him, to wanting to call him, to saying to myself "I Loved Him and I know for a fact he had feelings for me, possibly loving me as well, but it didn't work out, and hopefully in the future we can be friends, but right now, I can't, because I still have feelings, and I'm letting you, I hope we talk one day, and if we don't, I will always remember you, and I'll never forget you". Those words gave me a feeling, I haven't felt in a long time since I last spoke to him, and I only can hope tomorrow I feel the same way and I'm better. But I'm prepared if I cry and miss him like I've been, but I know today was a sign I'm getting better, and in time you will do the same. My son's father, did such an horrible act of mistrust to me, that I thought I would never get over it and get over him. Fourteen years later, our son is a young man, and even though he broke my heart bad, I got over him, and when I see him, I say to myself, "what the hell was I thinking". I can't believe I was into him like I was, and he disgust me, but we have a child together, and I maintain a civil relationship with him. Trust me, you will get over him, and if this makes you feel better, after all these years, I can get my son's father back anytime I want, that's how weak he is now and how "payback is a b$tch"!. Trust me, what goes around comes around, and I have the pleasure everytime I see him, I get to see the payback. You'll be ok, I can promise you that, and you don't even know me. But I've been there, and I know this pain I'm experiencing now is by far the least amount of pain I experienced before. Good luck, stay busy, and take care of that beautiful child you have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:03pm
thanxs for your reply. its just so hard when he keeps dissappearing for months then turning up. i start to move on and think about a life without him, then suddenly he's back again. and there's nothing i can do because of our daughter. i appreciate the advice and im more determined than ever now to just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 11:11pm
Welcome to the board!! I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and that you're having problems getting over him. Did you ever think that maybe the reason that you're having so much trouble is that you're holding on to hope that he will come back?? You need to remind yourself how much he's hurt you and relize that you *ARE* so much better than that and you and your daughter deserve better. Once you're able to face the fact that you aren't going to get back together it will make the healing process much smoother. Just try and stay busy....which shouldn't be to hard with a baby around!! Good luck and keep us posted and remember, we're here if you need us!!











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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 4:35pm
Yes. i hate to say it but i am still hoping he will come back. Its crazy because he really did hurt me and now he is acting like an ass hole. I know i deserve better, but i don't want better, does that make sense? I just can't ever imagine being happy with anyone other than him. I hate feeling like this but i'm not sure how to make it stop.