How much longer?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:01pm |
I know everyone is different and it depends on the length of the relationship, but I still want to know how much longer will I spend my mental energy being pissed off at him and myself for being such a coward and not having left him?
Yes, I'm mad at myself. I'm sick of praying, reading self help books, journaling, planning on distractions and not being able to follow through, going to therapy, and on and on...
At the end of the work day, I just want to come home and be alone. I want to go to sleep, I want to do something constructive, but I just can't get myself to do it.
I want to scream and I want to hurt him like he hurt me. I don't know what to do with myself even though I can come up with plenty of ideas, I just can't find the motivation. I don't want to be like this.
I just wished, the pain would go away. I want to have hope for my future, and I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's been two months from the total breakup and 4 months since he asked me to move out of his house.
I wish I could just feel comforted and content. I have one friend, I am sick of talking about my feelings to her, and my mom also. I don't have anything more to say really. I just want to get my hope back for life.
The thought of another man makes me sick, food gives me nausea. I can't cry but I feel a knot in my throat. If I do something to make myself cry, I feel worse.
How do I find hope again?

Sometimes I think the hurt and pain that we feel is a function of the hope we had for the relationship. The more hopeful, the more we wanted it to work, the deeper the pain, I think.
But then again, what do I know.
Jim
It will...but it's going to take a while longer. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but since it's only been two months since your breakup (is that when you last had contact?), it's probably going to be a few more months before you are feeling better (but it's a process--you will probably start to have hours and then days where you're feeling better much sooner than that).
I think all of us have been there and wished we had a fast forward button to get through it, but unfortunately, "the only way out is through". There are no short cuts--you have to let time do its work.
Sheri
Try this:
Put on a huge facade when your feeling down and PRETEND like your SOO happy and you have SO much to happy about. Try it for like 5 minutes and see if it feels good, and if it does, you might actually end up staying in that mood for like an hour. THen the next day, do it again, when you feel down, and you'll stay in the mood longer.
This means, when yout alk to your friend or your mom, say "i'm feeling great! yeah, I'm so over this relationship" Sometimes you have to lie to yourself a little bit.
Then go out there and talk to people. I mean, everyone and anyone. Try to get some stuff going on to do something with them. Take the inititave to say "hey lets go out to do___ " whatever it is your into.
Lastly, go to the gym and work out some of that aggression. Your ex will encounter Karma one day, it will bite him in the @$$
I know the hurt and anger you are going through because I am still going through the same thing and my break up happened 4 months ago. Like you, two months after my break up, I was a lot worse off than I am today and I promise you, your days are going to get better. It is going to take a little while longer to get over this but what helped me was of course no contact, surrounding myself with family and friends who love me, and putting as much energy into taking care of myself and less energy thinking about the ex. My ex is still on my mind everyday but not to where I want him back or even want to hear from him. I have finally come to terms that even though he dumped me and broke my heart like no other man has, it was for the best because his bachelor lifestyle wouldn't have fit in my or my daughter's life.
You may not see this now, but you will be a much stronger,independent person who will see this breakup as a learning experience. Over the last couple of weeks, my anger toward my ex has risen to no end, but I have realized over the last couple of days, that I need to take that energy that I was putting toward anger and change it to energy for myself and taking care of my daughter. Posting on this board has helped me a lot and giving advice to heartbroken people like yourself is better than any therapy I would want to try.
Time will heal and concentrate on you during this painful time.
"Lastly, go to the gym and work out some of that aggression. Your ex will encounter Karma one day, it will bite him in the @$$......"
These words of yours just put a smile on my face.:) :)
I appreciate your keeness to offer help to someone in distress. It actually made me fefel lighter. Hats off to you ""radezgirl""!!!!!
....."I'm sick of praying, reading self help books, journaling, planning on distractions and not being able to follow through, going to therapy, and on and on...".....
All people are different. They grieve and heal in different ways and in the length of time it takes. It also depends on the circumstances and depth of feelings involved.
Most people told me to stay as busy as possible but I did not want to do anything at all. It was all I could do to get through the workday without crying and some days I did as soon as I got to my car to drive home. After a while I got angry because I was tired of feeling sad and upset all the time. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do to make the thoughts go away.
But there is hope. Time helps. That did not help me to hear that when I was down and you probably are tired of hearing that. But it does. The whole process is slow and gradual which is reality but you want things to get better now. I would say it took me 5 months before I started feeling "healthy" again. That is wanting to do things, thinking clearly, putting things in the past, etc.
You can also think back to another unpleasant situation in your past. You don't obsess about it now like you used to. This too will become a thing of the past and you will begin to look at it as a life experience without the pain and emotion you feel now.