How to say good bye for good & Move On

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
How to say good bye for good & Move On
5
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:43pm

Hi iVillage Users,

I had a boyfriend for almost a year, and we broke up when I wanted space. I wanted space b/c we were fighting a lot-he was the insensitive type and I was the sensitive and jealous type. When I asked for space, he just ended it like he wanted to end it a long time ago.

We were still friends after that, and still went out together. Then we ended up having sex one day and wanted to work things out so we can be together again. This guy is 27 years old and I am 22 years old and we are very different people. It is hard for us to find something interesting to talk about, but I can talk to my other friend, 31 years old and have lots to say out of nowhere and he seems to care, and listen. 27 year old guy saids that other people understand him more when I think he just simply does not know how to express himself well like 31 years old.

The feeling of lust and need saids that I need my ex bf (27 year old). I love him and he saids that he loves me. He just recently bailed me out of a bad trip far that I went on with some stupid friends by paying for my ticket. We had sex the day I got back being ex bf and ex gf. I love affection and sex and he gives that to me, and he is the only one I want it from.

But there is a wise voice inside of me that is stronger that is saying: He (27 year old) will never change! I want to get better grades, go to grad school, and be with people who think highly of me!!! My ex did not for some messed up reasons.

But you know what? I wish he (27 year old) can just fall in love with another girl and so I can drop him. You have no idea how much I love this guy, but I need a good reason to get rid of him, b/c I love him so much. I can't let go. I wish he could just say that he does not love me, so I can cry out eyes out and be heart broken and just move on. But in a way, I wish I can be with him forever, b/c what I feel for him feels so right and familiar.

Please provide insight!

a) If my ex bf and I are such different people, then why do we love each other so much? I think it is b/c of the sex and physical affection, why do we value that over compatability?

b) I want to study hard in school, get better grades, and am career oriented. Ex bf is very outgoing, and laid back. The only way the relationship would work out is if we saw each other once a week. However, we are not compatible in interest much. We just need each other, b/c we are drawn to each other. Is that love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:00pm

Welcome to the board invincible_angel,


Sounds like you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:21pm
hi. i'm new to this board, but thought i'd post this message.....just so i wouldn't feel so desperately alone. my boyfriend of 15+ years revealed to me last night that he had slept with someone else....i knew at one time that he had been seeing this other person, but, nevertheless, believed him when he said they were "just friends." i feel so incredibly stupid and cannot stop crying at work (which is bad)....i just need and would very much appreciate some words of advice....i feel so alone, abandoned and useless....i wish i could just die. sorry to be such a burden and basketcase on my first posting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:25pm

Welcome to the board welshgirl,


You might want to post your story as a new post instead of as a reply to someone else's (I can't move it for you, sorry), that way you will most likely get more replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:15am

Thank you for sharing your story with us!

Wow! 15+ years. I know how you must feel, b/c my mother was married to my father and he had 8 affairs on her.

I sense that you are young and you have options. Yes, admit to yourself that you are hurt. Be honest with yourself and people that you talk to for support. AND never loose a sense of who you are as a person and know that you are very worthy of good treatment from now on.

I would just dump this jerk/loser that blatantly cheated on you, and move on to a life that you are worthy of and deserve!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 6:46am

Angel,

Hi and Im sorry for what your going through. I came across your post and felt like it was mine! Only difference is Im 47 and hes 40. Both divorced and with kids.

I wasnt going to reply because I really dont have any anwsers, yet I saw that in the posts that followed there was only one to you and I wanted you to know we are all here for you.

I suppose the best I can say to you is to stay away from him, I KNOW its hard but do that for you. Your young and you have so much life ahead of you. You sound like a smart young woman who can make something of her life...dont settle for whats not good enough. Follow your dreams and leave him behind, because he may only prevent you from obtaining those dreams.

I understand the physical attraction and over the past few months I think thats whats kept us in contact. Him and I cant be alone together in a room without getting naked! Even at our age he will tell you as I will that neither of us has had such a strong physical attraction to another, even our ex spouses, and this is the best sex either of us has ever had in our lives...I think thats why he keeps in touch with me, but its not enough...Its not enough for me and its not enough for YOU!

Good luck to you, I wish you all the best. Go do what you have to do for you !!