how will it end???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
how will it end???
2
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:46pm
In a nutshell, my ex-boyfriend is a junkie who refuses to accept the fact that we're through.

He attempted suicide after I kicked him out. I felt he was too fragile to tell him I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, so I agreed he could call me once a week. It ended up being about every other day, and when I wouldn't answer, he'd hound me until I'd answer. Monday before last, he came into my garage and left a note on my windshield when I wouldn't answer. I called him and told him to stay away from my house, and he started bawling his eyes out. Again I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave me alone. So I agreed he could call me the following week. Well, he texted me a few days later. There had been a tragic death in his about 2 months ago, but for reasons I won't go into, the memorial service is scheduled for next week. He wanted my help in getting a plane ticket. I made sure he exhausted all other possibilities before I agreed to help him. I told him I would charge the ticket, but he'd have to pay me first. That may sound cold, but I don't want to let him to play on my sympathies. He then got his sister to charge it instead (apparently even she was hesitant to charge it for him!), but he thanked me for my help and said he'd call me Monday. Which at this point would be less than a week, but I let it go.

I guess I made a mistake in agreeing to help him; he must have gotten mixed signals. He sent me an e-mail at work begging me to start over again. I was so upset I left work early. I spent at least an hour trying to come up with an appropriate response. The best I could come up with was "No".

Sunday afternoon, I read an e-mail from him, written at 4:30AM, that he was going to kill himself. I called the police and read the e-mail to them. He's living back with his wife now. They went there, and she didn't know where he'd been all night. She called his mother, who called me. I gave her the numbers of his best-junkie-friend. About a half hour later, his mother called me to tell me he had just come home and he was fine. She said she told him to call me because I was concerned; I told her I didn't want to talk to him. About an hour later, I got a call from the hospital saying they were "treating" him, and asked what the e-mail said. I don't know if he actually did try to kill himself again and his mother was trying to keep me out of it, or if his wife dragged him there to get psychological treatment. I hate to sound cold, but I think it's best I don't know.

Since then, I've tried to take out a restraining order, but I can't unless he threatens or causes me bodily harm. So I've changed my home and cell numbers, my personal and work e-mail addresses, and I've taken out a no-trespassing order. Will this piss him off so bad he'll try to hurt me? Will it make him try to kill himself again? I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyone tells me I'm doing the right thing. I guess it's normal to be second-guessing myself with all this chaos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:01pm
Of course you're doing the right thing!!! He's playing on your sympathies....he knows that when he tries to kill himself or threatens to that you are sympathetic and are more willing to do what he wants then you would be otherwise. Truthfully...if he really *WANTED* to kill himself....he would have done it already. Yes I know he attempted to but I think he made sure that it wouldn't actually kill him but just scare the crap out of everybody.....he's wanting any kind of attention from you he can get. I think it was a good move to change your numbers and e-mail addys...I think no contact is the only way you'll ever get done with this relationship for good. I wish you the best of luck!!! Remember, we're here when you need us...feel free to post anytime!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:53pm
Good news (for a change)! He left a message on my answering machine yesterday (my phone # change won't be active until tomorrow), saying he understood why I can't have any contact with him, and he won't try to contact me until he gets his life straitened out. But I could call him anytime. Not that I will, but it's good to know he's not so angry he'll become vengeful, and not so hurt he's going to try it again, and that he is trying to pull himself together. Now I can get back to a nice, normal life. I feel a little sad for some reason, though. Probably because I've been so angry and scared for the 5 weeks I never had a chance to feel sad. I know it'll pass.

Thanks so much for all your support!