how will it end???
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| Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:46pm |
He attempted suicide after I kicked him out. I felt he was too fragile to tell him I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, so I agreed he could call me once a week. It ended up being about every other day, and when I wouldn't answer, he'd hound me until I'd answer. Monday before last, he came into my garage and left a note on my windshield when I wouldn't answer. I called him and told him to stay away from my house, and he started bawling his eyes out. Again I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave me alone. So I agreed he could call me the following week. Well, he texted me a few days later. There had been a tragic death in his about 2 months ago, but for reasons I won't go into, the memorial service is scheduled for next week. He wanted my help in getting a plane ticket. I made sure he exhausted all other possibilities before I agreed to help him. I told him I would charge the ticket, but he'd have to pay me first. That may sound cold, but I don't want to let him to play on my sympathies. He then got his sister to charge it instead (apparently even she was hesitant to charge it for him!), but he thanked me for my help and said he'd call me Monday. Which at this point would be less than a week, but I let it go.
I guess I made a mistake in agreeing to help him; he must have gotten mixed signals. He sent me an e-mail at work begging me to start over again. I was so upset I left work early. I spent at least an hour trying to come up with an appropriate response. The best I could come up with was "No".
Sunday afternoon, I read an e-mail from him, written at 4:30AM, that he was going to kill himself. I called the police and read the e-mail to them. He's living back with his wife now. They went there, and she didn't know where he'd been all night. She called his mother, who called me. I gave her the numbers of his best-junkie-friend. About a half hour later, his mother called me to tell me he had just come home and he was fine. She said she told him to call me because I was concerned; I told her I didn't want to talk to him. About an hour later, I got a call from the hospital saying they were "treating" him, and asked what the e-mail said. I don't know if he actually did try to kill himself again and his mother was trying to keep me out of it, or if his wife dragged him there to get psychological treatment. I hate to sound cold, but I think it's best I don't know.
Since then, I've tried to take out a restraining order, but I can't unless he threatens or causes me bodily harm. So I've changed my home and cell numbers, my personal and work e-mail addresses, and I've taken out a no-trespassing order. Will this piss him off so bad he'll try to hurt me? Will it make him try to kill himself again? I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyone tells me I'm doing the right thing. I guess it's normal to be second-guessing myself with all this chaos.

Thanks so much for all your support!