humiliation
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 9:24am |
Hi everyone! I am having a truly bad day already (its only 9am). I was well on my way to getting over my break-up and now I feel like I am back to square one. My wonderful ex cheated, lied, and ended it by calling me some truly horrible names. The new "love of his life" contacted me and I told her the truth about him. She was devestated and kept calling me , I believe for moral support. The last time I spoke to her she informed me that he expressed his desire to hit me and she told me to be careful as he was crazy. And then she went back to him????
I do not want him, I do not love him but, I am just so humiliated. Over the last several months he was calling me, telling me how scared he was to be in a committed relationship because of his divorce, he said he was lonley, he missed me, blah, blah, blah...and the entire time he was dating this woman and apparently begging her to marry him. When he got caught he called and told me that she was the one he loved, he never cared about me, and he called me some terrible names. The entire two years was a lie! The sad thing is I believed he cared about me and that he would never hurt me. Now he is saying he wants to hit me??? How dumb am I???
I am just humiliated and I do not know how to get past it. I was feeling pretty good about things and now I am feeling just awful again. My self-esteem took a big blow. I know that I am better off without him, and I know that I should be glad that he is her problem now. But instead I feel stupid and ugly and sad! And they are happy and in love and probably planning their wedding. Thanks for letting me vent. Shar!

sharona328...
Advance warning: YOU'LL HATE THE FOLLOWING RESPONSE FROM PIANOGUY!!!
Did it give you a great deal of personal satisfaction to vent to the new girlfriend? Granted...you were angry...but where do you get off messing up another relationship just because YOURS didn't work?
Switch roles with the new girlfriend...or with a woman whom your NEW partner had dated previously?
How would you feel if that EX vented to YOU about "your new boyfriend's past history?" Would it make you insecure? Angry? Suspicious? Even if the man had a clean slate--and had done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG--would the words of the EX/Girlfriend make YOU feel insecure or suspicious?
If ANYBODY should be humiliated---it's your EX!
I'm not suggesting you don't have the right to be ANGRY about what he did. But you clearly "crossed the line" by becoming "the spurned informer!"
I hope your next boyfriend treads carefully? He's liable to get the same treatment if he screws up!
Pianoguy
You are right, I did not like your response however I did not make myself clear either. He was dating me for two years, we broke up for good in January 07. He started dating her in Nov 06. He was sleeping with both of us! I am not just some spurned ex. He was cheating on both of us. Basically he was keeping me around in case they did not work out. He lied to me and my kids and he lied to her. She hacked into his cell phone records and found out he was calling me everyday. He cheated, he lied, and I do not see how I am the bad person. She called me and asked me if we were still dating. I told her no, that we broke up in January. She started calling me everyday, telling me bad things that he said about me, sending me text messages, telling me to be careful as he was going to hurt me and on and on it goes.... Oh yeah, and the lowest blow of all, he has herpes!! He told her so she could protect herself but never bothered mentioning it to me.
Maybe you are right, maybe my next boyfriend should be careful. Afterall, I will be faithful and loyal and believe in him. But hey, thanks I did not think I could feel any worse and I was wrong!
sharona328...
PG apologizes....
However...when ANY poster only provides a smidgen of the entire story on any of these boards, most of us who respond have to go with the words we see in print! Obviously, there was MORE information that you probably should have included?
Just to let you (and everybody reading this) know...most men AREN'T like the scumbag you and the other g/f shared!
What puzzles me is why the 2 of you let this nonsense continue for 2 YEARS without at least one of you going out & purchasing "a meat cleever?!"
Pianoguy
Thanks for your response. I know there are great guys out there and you sound like you are one of them. I guess I just woke up feeling sorry for myself and started venting. This man is horrible and I am better off without him. The thing is, this girl really got to me. I do not think she is wrapped too tight to begin with and she was practically stalking me. I would tell her that I didn't want to be in the middle, and told her that if she was so in love, give him a chance. Maybe he would change. I stopped answering her calls and she leaves me these sad messages. I really felt bad. So I'd call back after four messages and a few texts and emails to see if she was ok. I should have ignored her. And then she started with the warnings on how I needed to be careful and not to answer my door because he was really mad and she believed he was going to hurt me. Anyway she is gone and he is gone and I am better off, maybe they do belong together!! Sharona
ps. If only I could get away with the "meat-cleever" idea...
Thanks for coming to my defense! In all fairness though, I do not think pianoguy completely understood and he did apologize. You are right, my ex was a dog! He lied to me and to her and no telling who else. And the scary thing is, he is really, really good at it. We both believed we found this wonderful, caring guy. He was fantastic with my daughters, he never raised his voice or said a mean word to me in two years and now I hear he wants to hit me!! And the names he called me were the most horrible names I'd ever been called.
Anyway, thanks again! sharona