hurt and confused
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| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 8:25am |
Just over a month ago my boyfriend of 3 years decided that we should take a break over our alevels (exams) as he needed to figure out if it was still what he wanted. He kept telling me he loved me so much and he thought about me all the time and it was really affecting his work. i felt he had been stressed the past few months and i was the only one who said i believed in him and i gave him a lot of support and encouragement.
Needless to say i found it difficult to know how to act around him so we didnt talk much. 2 weeks passed and we had our prom. It was something i had been looking forward to all year and he didn't speak to me all night didn't come and say i looked beautiful so i ended up crying for an hour before he came over and apologised for everything. I ended up ignoring him but he went and sat by himself and he looked miserable so i had the courage to go over and put a smile on his face and get him to have the last dance with me. He held me so tight like he didnt want to let go and ended up kissing me gently on the lips. He offered to take me home so he did and we sat in the car for a bit. I was a little drunk so ended up collapsing on him he had his arm around me and i tried to kiss him, at first he said not right now but the second time he was up for it. I asked if it was still temporary and he said yes.
The next day was our last day of college. A day i didnt enjoy. He picked me up, swung me round, stroked my hair before saying can we go and talk. This is when he decided to tell me he lied to me and there was someone else. The very person who was my shoulder to cry on when we went on a break and who i confided in when i said how much i loved him. She has a reputation for breaking relationships up or at least trying to, she doesn't see what she's done wrong. It came about when we were on a break, she wasn't in his thoughts beforehand. At this point he was still saying he didn't know what he wanted and he was confused.
I refused to talk to him for the first week, i practically collapsed. However i sent one email telling him how i felt and he continued to beg me to talk to him and saying he didn't intend for it to happen and he was sorry he didn't give us a chance. He said he was hurting bu had to pick himself up and he thought about me all the time and he loved me. He even admitted he was still confused and didn't know what he wanted. His mum has been one of my biggest supporters in all this apparently and he has had to live with her giving him a load of bother. There was a gap of about 2 weeks before he spoke to me on msn and i finally told him to stop messing me around that he made his decision but i miss him so much and i've found it so hard to cope with my exams. He said he hadn't done much work for his exams so i ordered him to but apparently i was more important. He didn't want to affect my exams when we were on a break but he made it 10 times worse. The reason we did break was so he could concentrate...something he hasn't done as he's spent all his time with her. It's taken me over a month to even start to eat properly whereas it took him a week to just move on and forget me after we'd been together 3 years. He hopes we can be friends but i don't see how it's possible when im still so much in love with him, i can't stop thinking about them being together, we have the same friends so i can't avoid it. I just feel so betrayed, i don't feel he had time to think and with all the stress that we've both had we haven't been thinking clearly. Part of me feels that if he truly cared and loved me he would have spent time thinking and would have wanted to carry out the plans we had such as spend more time together in summer and do different things, our routine consisted of watching dvd's, going to party's but not going out together much. My friends have told me to forget him and i deserve better which i guess i realise saying as i haven't been happy the past few months the climax being he hit me athough only on my arm but it was violent, first time he'd seen me cry in nearly 3 years, i got a lot of attention after it though guilt trip i guess.
If anyone can offer any advice i'd appreciate it

Welcome to the boarfd sarakins88,
I agree with the previous poster about moving on.
x
Honey-as a mother of an 18 year old senior daughter-all I can offer you is the same advice I offered her and, believe me, it worked.
So far, you're doing everything right; don't even have his number in your phone, his screen name in your list of buddies; do everything in your power to keep him "out of sight..out of mind".
I know it hurts immensely, and, even at 18 and after being with him for 3 years, you probably never ever thought he'd do this to you...but you're both young and it happens..but ALWAYS for a reason. A reason you may not know now..but you'll realize later.
And you will be able to be friends again..at a time when you're "together" more and the sight of him won't make you weak. And he will, someday, look back and think of you and, if nothing else, remember what a great girlfriend you were and maybe even try, at some point, to rekindle the romance..but, for now, lean on your friends; more than any mother can, they can understand you and listen and console you.
You WILL meet someone else someday and look back on your relationship with him and "thank" him for breaking up with you so that it opened so many more doors for you.
Smile-keep your head up, honey.