Hurting for the 1st time

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Hurting for the 1st time
2
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:45pm
Tonight for the 1st time I am hurting since my boyfriend left me 4 days ago. Why is it that the person that does the hurting seem to go on with their life being happy as if they didn't leave someone in pain:-( How is it that he lived with me pretending that everything was okay then all of a sudden I come home and find a Dear John letter and him telling me that he is not in love with me after having lived with me for a year surely he would have figured this out way before and surely he could have talked to me about how unhappy he was and him wanting out instead of having me come home and finding him just gone. Why do people do this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 9:48am

I don't know why people do that but they do. I experienced the same kind of thing. My girlfriend broke things off without bringing anything up that bothered her. To me it ultimately said she did not care enough for me or the relationship to speak up and say this is important. She did not want to try. That was devastating to me. In my case she broke it off that way after I had bought an engagement ring and talked to her father about marriage. I could not believe it.

It is hard to believe people keep that unhappiness inside and hide it so well. What they do not realize by doing that is how hurtful it is to the other person. People are not mind readers and you can only go by what you see and hear and observe body language. She never said anything nor did I ever get a sense that something was wrong.

It is also hard to accept that they were unhappy and you had no idea. It is almost like they were another person entirely that you could not see. Then you say to yourself "who is this person I've known all this time?" That can be a shocking realization and it certainly was for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 1:36pm
I guess it's hard for me to believe that a person can stay so long with another person while being unhappy instead of discussing it with their partner and either deciding to stay with each other or leaving each other but I do have a feeling that with mine it was becuz of a car that we have together and of which I told him that he couldn't take one time that he tried to leave before which of course really didn't matter in the end cuz he took the car anyway but what hurts me the most as how he plotted the whole thing out of getting enough money saved up to get an apartment and leaving me and yet pretending that everything was going okay. Just don't understand why it is so difficult for 2 people to be able to communicate like adults.