Hurting. Lost my best friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Hurting. Lost my best friend.
5
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 5:40pm

Broke up with my bf of over a year last night. I know that's always hard and needs time. I don't regret my decision - I had to do it; he has run out of chances with this problem.

But what's so difficult right now is I really did love this guy and still do - the thing is that if I'm going to be with someone again I would want them to be the exact same person that he was, right down to his last name, except without those issues that he needs to fix right now.
He was my best friend... and I've decided that I can't speak to him anymore and I've tried to erase any reminders, phone numbers, etc. because it hurts too much.

I just think it would be absolutely strange to be with anyone else because there were so man amazing things about him, I would want them to be him :/ ... that needs time too. Obviously I'm not going to try to look for someone any time soon. But I don't know how to deal with that.
I don't know if I'm not still going to love this guy as a person ever 10 years down the line. And I can't stand it when he tell me he'll make me see how much better he'll be and that he doesn't want anyone else - that's scary. I don't want to expect that, people change their minds about that. Being heartbroken once is enough for me.

It's one of those things where I know "there's plenty of fish in the sea"... but I know what kind of fish I like exactly, and I just can't understand why I can't have THAT fish, minus it's one stupid issue.

How do I deal with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:39pm

Welcome to the board orch1d,


It's going to take time to heal and be willing to be vulnerable to another person in another relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:22am

I replied earlier but I don't know why it's not showing up...
I think focusing on why we broke up is a good idea, and I'm not interested at all in pursuing other relationships right now, not for a long time I think.

The difficult part is trying to keep myself from hoping - this is who I want to be with for the rest of my life if I could and the thing is that he wants those changes just as much for himself, he's taking steps to do something about it... but I can't wait around for him anymore and I can't take the pain while he works through it but it's so hard not to hope that maybe one day....
Especially when he says things like that he'll find me and he hopes that I'll see something in him that's worth my love..
Ughh. I want that so much.

All I can do right now is not talk to him, not answer any of his calls, etc.
I just don't know how to make myself shut up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:38am

it doesn't help that it seems like everyone else's EXs and SOs seem like complete jerks and people have these long lists of things they don't like about them and all these stories of how they don't want him back or he doesn't want them...

and that's not us at all... those stories are scary. He was so much better than any of that... but it's like we want each other but he's too immature/etc/etc right now.
I hate that. It's the hope again and the most I can do is be mad for a while... I don't even know. I wish this was a dream.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:09am

Read this, just because and if you do, let me know what you think of it:


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis




Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 3:39am

Ok, I will try to get to that as soon as I can.
It's just I'm also moving clear across the country tommorrow so I don't know when that will happen =/

But thank you so much for the suggestion!