Hurting really bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Hurting really bad
3
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 10:55am
I wrote on here a couple of weeks ago about the break up with my boyfriend after 5 1/2 years. It was mutual, but that doesn't make it any easier. We were long distance (only really about two hours) and we wanted to get married and be together forever, and we decided someday he'd move to where I'm from, but he ultimately decided he can't bring himself to leave his job and his lifestyle, and I sure as heck can't move there (it's a town of 500). So anyway, it was mutual, and the break up was cordial and we said I love you throughout the whole thing and we told each other everything we love about each other and that we were going to miss each other. Well that was two weeks ago today, and I haven't heard from him since. We said we'd talk sometime soon, and I called him a week ago, but he didn't answer and I left a message saying I thought it would be good if we talked. But I got no response. I also sent him a letter a week and a half ago, and again no response. This is so HARD. Why is he not communicating with me?? It is so hard to go from having a constant in your life for 5+ years, and talking to that person every day or every other day, and saying I love you almost every day, to just having all communication end. I sent him a text message last night saying that it's not cool to ignore my messages and for him to please call me, but nothing yet. That is so AWFUL. I just miss talking to him, and I think I've come to the realization that maybe I would be better off with someone else, but I still just want to talk to him. I want to find out how he is feeling right now, and I want to get a better understanding of why he can't stand to leave his lifestyle (small town, close family, nothing to do). How am I supposed to move on if I can't even get my questions answered. I just miss talking to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: trk45
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 11:54am

trk45...

Doesn't this come down to a choice of "rehashing an old routine" which is finished...over and kaput! OR...inventing a happier new one?

PG answered your earlier thread so there's very little to add EXCEPT that you hold the 'key' to let yourself out of any emotional prison. Your choice comes down to "unlocking the door, letting yourself out and absolving yourself from the emotional pain....OR.....continuing to do NOTHING, but PINING away for a chapter of your life that's over?

Pianoguy

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: trk45
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 6:40pm

Hi, TRK. I understand your pain. I have gone from hearing from my Ex every four hours, every day for five and a half years to no contact at all. Breaking this loving routine has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I used to watch the clock all day when we first broke up.

I have had to realize that I will never move on if I have ANY contact with him, pleasant or not. For a time, I kept up the discussion and fighting just to be in contact with him.

I just got through blocking ALL my screen names from him. It is so hard to do that, but yet, it is giving me a good feeling that now I am in control. He can no longer hurt me in that way. I have been broken up about three months, and I am just now strong enough to do that. It has become evident to me on every level that he does not want to get back with me. Acceptance is seeping into me. That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt almost as much as Day 1. I think about him constantly, but the difference is I am not doing anything about it contact-wise.

I can almost assure you that any contact you keep up with him will be a let-down at best, and more probably extremely painful.

Your BF may be thinking it is kinder to have no contact with you. That doesn't mean he isn't suffering, though, although I can't promise you that, even.

Hang in there. It does get better, slowly but surely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
In reply to: trk45
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 12:41am

I was in a very short-term relationship, 2-1/2 mos with someone I thought was my soul mate. It hurts like hell. It turned out he's a SOUR MATE after all.

I'm currently reading the newly published book, IT'S CALLED BREAKUP BECAUSE IT'S BROKEN by the couple who wrote HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Take the "L" out of LOVER ... and it's OVER !!!