Hurting..opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Hurting..opinions?
2
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 9:40am

Ok so I wrote yesterday about how my close to a year guy was pulling away and I felt I needed to give him space. He had been calling me less and I was just too suspicious of everything. So I told him we should take a step back from this.

He told me to come over that night and we would talk. When I got there he kissed me and acted as if nothing was different...typical for him. He then said I guess we should talk and proceeded to tell me that he knew I was upset and what was going on.

So I told him he had been acting different lately and I pointed out how in the past few days since Thanksgiving he had been bad about returning calls right away as he used to and how he seemed colder to me. He denied everything and made excuses for all of it..."I was sleeping" etc. Then he said he understood where I was coming from but he still wanted to see me and hang out with me and that he cared about me. I told him not to lie and he said the reward of lying to me wouldn't be worth it. Then he said he wanted to take me ice skating

I asked him if he was going to be honest with me and he said about what? I told him about other people and he said "well do you want to know when I hook up with some hoochie mama from a bar?" and I said no then he said "do you mean if I start to care about someone else?" and I said yes, so he goes "well technically I don't have to tell you anything based on our situation but I will tell you if that happens" Then he goes:

"But I don't see that happening in my future" is this a good sign that he would even say that to me? Then his phone rang and he silenced it...something he has always done and which is a big part of the reason I can't bear spending so much time with him anymore. And he went into the bathroom at which point my usual paranoia got the better of me and I put my coat on even though we had been watching a movie. When he came back in I told him I had to leave and he said "I'll give you a call?" And he leaned over to kiss me which I refused [I know I know it was petty and bitter, but I wasn't going to make him feel better about any of this especially when he was obviously talking to someone in the bathroom.

As soon as I got home I made plans with this guy I've been ignoring for a while and I just plan to turn down nicely everytime he asks to hang out. Do you think this is the right thing to do? I don't want him to know I'm bitter, and I would love to be able not to care about any of it and just hang out and have fun, but my feelings have gone past that. Should I just push him away all together? And more importantly, since he obviously tricked me into giving him space by acting weird these past few days is he ever going to miss me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 10:59am
Your guy is treating you like dirt, expecting all the privledges of a romantic relationship while doing nothing to maintain it. And YES, you SHOULD be very concerned about him "picking up "hootchie-mamas" at a bar"...ever heard of Sexually Transmitted Diseases? Don't ever let your own self-esteem sink so low you'll tolerate this kind of behavior in a man just to hang onto him at all costs. Read "Why Men Love Bitches" and "He's Scared, She's Scared" before making any more major relationship decisions...you can order them at your library. Start no contact today for your own self-care and protection from further pain. You'll get stronger every week...Good Luck...
Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:53pm

Get rid of him, you deserve better!







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