Hurt..used..confused....plz help!!!
Find a Conversation
Hurt..used..confused....plz help!!!
| Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:25am |
Hey Everybody. This is my 1st post & I am gon try to make it as short as possible. But here it goes.....This past May I ran into an old crush/friend from school,(Im 24 he's 25) we talked for a few minutes & I ended up giving him my number. Well he did call & we started hanging out. Since he doesn't have a car I would usually pick him up from work & we would go watch tv or just hang out at my place. During this time he told me that he was livin with his cousin which I found out later that he was really stayin with his girlfriend/baby mama. He said they were havin problems. Now I know I shouldve left him alone at that point but I couldn't. I really enjoyed his company. We werent havin sex so i figured it was ok. The more we talked & hung out the more my feelins developed for him. We never actually went out out, but I just enjoyed spending time with him. I hated to see him go. I found myself waitin for him to call. Well he started callin less & less. Finally about 3 weeks went by & no word from him at all. So I called his job & he answered. I told him that I just wanted to see if he was ok cuz I hadnt heard from him. He gave me some lame excuse but he apologized & promised he would call me. That was the end of our conversation. Well later that night he did call, he said that he broke up with his girl & he needed somewhere to stay. He asked me to come get him. I didnt go. I wanted to but it was really late & I had to work the next morning. Anywayz a week went by & no word. Then he started callin again, this time he would call me from a different number everytime or from his work # (he didnt have a cell). We started hangin tight again. He alwayz had time for me. I gave him a cell phone so I could call him when I wanted to. It was just like I wanted it to be. He started stayin over & eventually we started havin sex. Now we didnt actually establish that we were a couple but he promised I was the only one he was sexin, I believed him. I was happy. Well then my life started to crumble actually it crashed right before my eyes. I lost my job, I lost my apartment & I was losin the man that I really, really cared for. He started the disappearin act again. I would call he wouldnt answer or return my messages, sometimes for days. When we did talk we would argue becuz I accused him of bein with other females. One night after a really big arguement I called him to apologize but he had gotten his cell # changed. The phone that I bought & paid the bill for (it was in his name tho) Now this hurt becuz I had no other way of contacting him. He quit his job, he really didnt have a stable place to stay. I was truly heartbroken. Everyday I would think about him & cry & wonder what I did to deserve this. I mean I did everything for him. I helped him & he just left me. After 3 months of not hearing from him I had finally gotten it together & was over him (or so I thought). Until he called yesterday. I shouldve hung up, I shouldnt have even answered, but I did. I was curious. I wanted to hear his excuse for just leavin that way. He said that he was goin thru alot (no job, no place to stay, etc...) & he couldnt be the man I wanted him to be & he needed time to get himself together. Well we talked for about an hour & he asked to see me. I agreeed. I missed him sooooooo much. I just wanted to see him for a second. That was a BIG MISTAKE!!! We ended up havin sex. I really wanted to. I hadnt been with anyone since he left. I just wanted him to hold me & I wanted us to pick up where we left off. I wanted to be there for him. But after sex he said he had to go, but he would call me later on that night & he would see me again soon. I havent heard from him since I dropped him off at his moms last night. Now its like this same pain all over again. Im so hurt & confused. I feel used. I have the number to his moms but I dont know if I should call or not. I just dont understand why he could do this to me. I didnt leave the house all day becuz I thought he would call (he dont have my cell #) I have been in a very,very bad mood all day cuz of this. I lashed out at my mom for no reason. I was real nasty to anybody & everybody who called the house becuz they made the phone ring & it wasnt him. I know I need to get over it but I just cant let him go. I want him bad. Please help me!! Im sorry if it was sooo long. I just need advice. I dont have any friends to talk to & my mama just dont understand. Anybody out there??? Help!! Thanx in advance

Wow. I really don't know how to reply to this with out coming off as mean, but there just isn't a way to sugar coat the truth here.
You feel used because he is using you. You are his booty call. He cheated on his GF (the woman he has a child with!) with you, and then he did to you the same thing. You gave him a cell phone and he had the number changed so you couldn't call him! He only gives you the time of day when he wants sex.
Why don't you believe you deserve better?
Wow...I'm really biting my tongue on this one. First off, I really am sorry for the pain you're feeling. I think we've all been in the position of feeling used and I'm no one to point a finger...
"Im so hurt & confused. I feel used."
Know why? Because you've been used. You will be continue to be used by this creep. Why shouldn't he? You have so few standards and values for yourself right now, he shouldn't be expected to treat you better than you treat yourself.
I'm hoping you're incredibly young...that would in part excuse the fact that you knowingly, intentionally continued seeing him knowing he was cheating on the mother of his child. Imagine the pain SHE was suffering through watching him walk out the door and into your car. Learn this now...what goes around, comes around. What you sow, you'll reap. KARMA, whatever you want to call it...it will find you out. Use the pain you're experiencing now to become a wiser person in the future. You made terrible decisions, selfish decisions, and you are now suffering for it. Make a vow to yourself never to put yourself or any other innocent person in this position again.
"I lashed out at my mom for no reason. I was real nasty to anybody & everybody...I know I need to get over it but I just cant let him go. I want him bad. Please help me! I just need advice. I dont have any friends to talk to & my mama just dont understand."
Think how similar this sounds to an out-of-control drug addict. You know you need to get over your chosen "drug" but you just can't stop. You want him bad. You're nasty to all your family and friends because they're trying to tell you want you just don't want to hear...that you are out of control. You started getting in control, but then you had a "little taste of your drug" again, and now the addiction, the cravings are back. No one can really give you advice. You have to decide for yourself if you enjoy living life as a junkie or if you think you're worth something better.
He ignored you for three months (!!!!???), called you up on a night none of his other booty calls came through, used you and then ditched you again??!! Do you enjoy being a ho? Is that your highest aspiration in life? At least have the good sense to require payment for the service you're providing!
Now...we know you're better than that. Homework: Absolutely NO CONTACT until you've read these three books: "He's Just Not That Into You" "He's Scared, She's Scared" and "Why Men Love Bitches" You can get them through the Interlibrary Loan at your local branch library or buy them if you'd prefer. Write a list of all the things you'd like to do in life and then take steps, even if they're baby steps, toward accomplishing one or two of those items. There are many free and inexpensive classes online and around town (check your local newspaper's entertainment section). Give your mom and your friends a hug and arrange a fun outing with them. Most of all, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are an amazing human being who deserves an amazing partner and you will find him someday...after you've chosen to make room for him by dropping "garbageman" out on the curb.
Good luck, you can do it...
Talk about tellin it like it is LOL. Thanx goldeneyedgirl for not sugar-coatin it in the least. Im not here lookin for sympathy. I just need someone to talk to, some advice, someone to set me straight when I get weak.
"Do you enjoy being a ho?" LOL Actually no I dont, and that is exactly how he made me feel when we got together.
I have read "he's just not that into you" and almost every single chapter was him. I know I can do better. For the last 2 months he was outta my mind. I stopped thinkin about him every minute, I stopped waitin & wishin that he would call. I just knew I was over him. WRONG!!! With just one call I got all off track. Now I understand the whole no contact thing (if only i could stick to it) But tonight im doin a little better. I've apologized to my folks, I've took the cordless out of my pocket & put it back on the base.....Maybe I'll actually leave the house tomorrow LOL But seriously, thank ya'll so much for the advice, its helpin already.