I always do this..
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| Fri, 02-15-2008 - 5:09pm |
I met my boyfriend a year ago, on the internet. He wasn't working at the time and I was doing agency work while I looked for a fulltime job (i had just moved to the area). We chatted online practically every day for about 3 months. We'd chat until 5 in the morning and i would feel totally down if i didn't speak to him. We talked about meeting up but we got so close online it would have been weird in a way, but we got so close i was desperate to meet him. We were so close emotionally and I really thought it could work. But he didn't want to meet.
When I got a full time job, I kind of got my life back again, i was happier, but i didn't have time to chat all night anymore, I had bills to pay, unlike him who seemed to have no interest in finding work. It may sound bad but work is a big thing to me and it worried me that we didnt share the same values on such a big aspect of life. I didn't go online hardly at all and when i did he would have left me a message but i stopped replying.
About 6 months passed, then he sent me a message. I'd had a few glasses of wine and was quite fed up, it cheered me instantly. We talked about what had happened and he said he was gutted. We both decided to meet up the next day. And we did. We ended up on an all day drinking binge, which ended in a night of sex followed by another day and night of madness. That was November and we've been together since. I don't think the issues ever really went away though, but fun turned into emotions and attachment and i guess we fell in love.
Now though, all we do is argue. He's very clingy, he still has few friends and is very demanding of me, often msking me feel guilty. I constantly push him away and snap at him, Everything he does annoys me, i'm a total bitch to him for no reason, all the time. I feel really angry towards him and I don't know why. I just don't think it can ever work with us, but then i feel lost without him but then i know that's selfish and unfair on him
I'm pretty confused about this, maybe not ready for a relationship full stop (last proper one was 3 years ago)..
sorry it's long winded, any insight would be appreciated muchly

Welcome to the board blacksthecolour,
::It may sound bad but work is a big thing to me and it worried me that we didnt share the same values on such a big aspect of life.
I think it's good that you realize this and question it.
I realise that this relationship probably isn't healthy as we both have 'issues' but i can't be on my own forever, and i don't see my issues ever leaving me so another disastrous relationship it is! Unless we can grow and change together, which i think, hope we could be capable of. I feel like slapping myself for saying it but it's a 'need' i have to be with him, i am scared of being alone and also, i do love him and no relationship is perfect, it's just people bury their heads in the sand so they're not alone forever too..