I am desperate.
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| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 12:12am |
I first posted in here almost two months ago. I had just broken up with someone that I was very much in love with because he had been hiding the fact that he was pursuing another woman from me. I say "woman," but she is only 18. I am 24.
Here is what has happened. For about a month, everything was going quite well. I was single and accepting it, and I had begun to show an interest in moving on and meeting other men. I felt confident in myself in every way. And then, the ex started attempting to contact me. He text messaged me, then he IMed me. Several times. I talked to him casually. I was even able to do this without any pain--I treated him as a friendly acquaintance. Nothing more, nothing less. But then, he calls me one morning and asks if he can come over. I don't know what came over me, but I heard his voice and got weak. I said yes. We spent the day together. The next week, we went out to dinner, and he spent the night with me. The next week, we spent more time together. And now, I have found out, despite what he had told me, that things are still going with this other girl. I am completely, utterly devastated. I feel completely sexually used. I have never felt this worthless in my entire life. I feel like a whore. This is a man that I love and was obviously weak for. During the times that we spent together recently, he told me straight up and down that he wanted to be with me, that the fact is, "we will never be able to really let each other go." I am starting to believe that this man, this man that I let into my heart completely, is mentally psychotic or something. I feel as if he used me, mistaking missing having sex with me with "missing ME." The other girl is a virgin, if that makes a difference. My sexual relationship with this man has been incredibly free. We have done many, many adventurous and risque things together that I did because he made me feel comfortable and because I loved him and enjoyed doing these things with him. But now, I feel so incredibly bad about myself. I have never felt worse about myself, because I feel as though, even though I didn't lose my virginity to him, that I let him see me, sexually, in every way imaginable, and though he never forced me to do anything, I feel used. Please, please, PLEASE help me. I don't know what to do.
I do plan on discussing all of this with him, but today is his birthday. And even though he had made me feel so bad, I feel somewhat guilty laying all of this on him on his birthday. I am not this weak about anything or anyone else in my life. What is wrong with me? Please help.

girl, why are you even bothering to discuss anything with this guy?
dump him and get someone who's worth your time. have some self respect and never talk to him again! how much are you willing to take?????
i think you know what to do.