I am the dumpee and it hurts!
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I am the dumpee and it hurts!
| Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:37pm |
I am the dumpee for the first time in my miserable life. I am 30 yrs old and have always been the one to run from a failing relationship. I guess I am feeling the error of my ways. I've been with the guy since July 1, 2005. I thought we were doing so well. He was so much fun. I really enjoyed his company, alot. After 2 months he moved into my apartment and we really clicked. Much to my dismay being fun was really being an alcoholic. I thought we were going out and having cocktails as fun time and this turned into all he ever wanted to do!!! BIG RED FLAG. Things got tense and I was trying way to hard to accomidate the drinking. Finally last night after I had worked all day (he is currently layed off for the winter season) he had been drinking all day I go to pick him up from the bar I myself had a drink and we left. We get home and he is standing there in his jacket still and says "Don't lock me out of the apartment I am going back out" I think I SNAPPED. I waslike I can't believe you find it so hard to stay out of the bar. He started yelling at me "I can't take this anymore" I don't even know where this came from but I was like "then don't"....From there he packed his clothes and walked right out of my life. It felt like it only took 30 seconds for our entire relationship to be distroyed. I know for a fact he was not mature enough to be with me but why does it hurt so bad?

I've dated an alcoholic before too and it's hard, mine wasn't the "standard" alcoholic, he mostly would just binge drink himself into oblivion EVERY time we would go out. There was no such thing as just a drink or two, it always escalated into him getting completely wasted and then we started arguing after he drank and I knew it was only going to go downhill. It hurts because like all relationships, you have a hope that it might work out and it hurts when it doesn't, it's dissapointing.
Most alcoholics are pretty cut off emotionally and it's hard to ever feel like you are "in" their lives, at least the ones I've encountered. With my ex I always felt like I was pushing and then he would pull away from me which contributed to the friction when he drank. Alcoholism and depression go hand in hand and it's almost impossible to get somebody out of that hole once they are in it unless they see the light for themselves.
You are doing yourself a favor, it's a tough road to stay with someone like that and I think too many women don't know when to say enough is enough and walk away. You did the right thing, just stick to your guns.
On a different note, alcoholism is very serious and I hope he gets help. I had a friend that committed suicide a week ago today because he went on a drinking binge. I'm guessing it was intentional or possibly not since he had done it before he didn't think it would be enough to kill him, just enough to dull his pain. It takes different forms and extremes but regardless it is very serious and sad to watch someone essentially ruin their life.
Good luck and stay strong -