I am the dumpee and it hurts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
I am the dumpee and it hurts!
4
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:37pm
I am the dumpee for the first time in my miserable life. I am 30 yrs old and have always been the one to run from a failing relationship. I guess I am feeling the error of my ways. I've been with the guy since July 1, 2005. I thought we were doing so well. He was so much fun. I really enjoyed his company, alot. After 2 months he moved into my apartment and we really clicked. Much to my dismay being fun was really being an alcoholic. I thought we were going out and having cocktails as fun time and this turned into all he ever wanted to do!!! BIG RED FLAG. Things got tense and I was trying way to hard to accomidate the drinking. Finally last night after I had worked all day (he is currently layed off for the winter season) he had been drinking all day I go to pick him up from the bar I myself had a drink and we left. We get home and he is standing there in his jacket still and says "Don't lock me out of the apartment I am going back out" I think I SNAPPED. I waslike I can't believe you find it so hard to stay out of the bar. He started yelling at me "I can't take this anymore" I don't even know where this came from but I was like "then don't"....From there he packed his clothes and walked right out of my life. It felt like it only took 30 seconds for our entire relationship to be distroyed. I know for a fact he was not mature enough to be with me but why does it hurt so bad?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 1:00pm
Oh I'm sorry. It hurts so bad because you betrayed yourself. You saw the red flags and you ignored them. You snuffed out the gut feeling telling you that this wasn't a good place for you to be. And then to top it all off, *he* dumped *you*. You know it shoud've been the other way around, but you didn't. All break ups hurt, but that's why it hurts so bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 1:35pm
YOu are so right and I think with some healing inside I will get through this. This too will fade and hopefully I have learned a valuable lesson in spirit. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:26pm
Breaking it off is never easy in the beginning, but you are doing so for such a good reason. I found out the guy I dated a while back was an alcoholic over time too. (I wonder if it was the same guy- Kansas City????) I finally said enough is enough and kicked him out. YOU DO NOT deserve a life like that, as much as you may care, you deserve so much better than to deal w/ an alcoholic. Take things day by day, they will get easier as time goes. Time DOES and WILL heal all wounds! There is someone out there that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. This is my plan for now: ( I am 29 just FYI) I have decided to take this time for ME, no one but me. I have started a diet plan at my pace, I go to the gym no matter what even if my best friend begs and pleads for me to go w/ her, this is MY time, I'll get to her later. I enjoy MY evenings alone learning about me all over again. I am a differnt person that what I used to be. I have learned what I like and don't like, my tolerances, etc. This has been just a great chapter for me because it's been about ME! Maybe you need to do the same and just focus on you for a while and get to know YOU all over again!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:38am

I've dated an alcoholic before too and it's hard, mine wasn't the "standard" alcoholic, he mostly would just binge drink himself into oblivion EVERY time we would go out. There was no such thing as just a drink or two, it always escalated into him getting completely wasted and then we started arguing after he drank and I knew it was only going to go downhill. It hurts because like all relationships, you have a hope that it might work out and it hurts when it doesn't, it's dissapointing.

Most alcoholics are pretty cut off emotionally and it's hard to ever feel like you are "in" their lives, at least the ones I've encountered. With my ex I always felt like I was pushing and then he would pull away from me which contributed to the friction when he drank. Alcoholism and depression go hand in hand and it's almost impossible to get somebody out of that hole once they are in it unless they see the light for themselves.

You are doing yourself a favor, it's a tough road to stay with someone like that and I think too many women don't know when to say enough is enough and walk away. You did the right thing, just stick to your guns.

On a different note, alcoholism is very serious and I hope he gets help. I had a friend that committed suicide a week ago today because he went on a drinking binge. I'm guessing it was intentional or possibly not since he had done it before he didn't think it would be enough to kill him, just enough to dull his pain. It takes different forms and extremes but regardless it is very serious and sad to watch someone essentially ruin their life.

Good luck and stay strong -