Okay so the bulk of your point is you are upset that your XBF isn't showing you the same level of "breakup respect" that he showed his last GF. I've got one question for you. How do you know that he really showed her this "respect"? From the little you describe it sounds entirely possible that he started seeing you BEFORE he broke up with his XGF, and THAT is why he kept you hidden away like he was ashamed or something. It just seems that if he was so honorable in one XGF's feelings that it's odd for the total lack of regard for yours.
So what are you going to do? You're an adult and you have adult responsibilities. You're going to remeber that you're strong and stop pittying yourself. Your XBF has shown his true colors and shown that you're better off with out someone who is so careless for you and your feelings. You're going to be the woman of class and integrity and character that you are, and you're going to get through this smarter, healthier, and happier in the end.
If this is the same guy that dumped you after he got your money from yoru disability or whatever...here's the deal.
I know that YOU thought you were his girlfriend...but you never were.
He was careful about taking you around "anywhere" because he didn't want to be seen with you. He wanted to sleep with you and benefit via your approach of "everything that's mine is yours because you're with me now" attitude.
But he didn't have a relationship with you of emotional investment, he didn't consider you equal to him in every way. You were a "source" of waht he needed - whatever it was at the time - be it money, sex, attention, or whatever.
But he never considered your needs or feelings, he didn't emotionally attach and involve with YOU as a person.........you failed to see that in all the giving, and planning and unrealistic expectations, and occasionally heady feelings.
But you're not logical, you're not assessing teh facts, you're not self-aware or self-responsible.
This guy isn't making it difficult on you to sell roses by going there....he doesn't care what you do, he never did - it was you that wanted him and you were "renting" him and now that yo're out of whatever it was that he was taking as "rent" in exchange for his ttention - he's gone elsewhere.
That's all it is. Your life is your responsibility, nobody's going to make you into what you're not at the core. Nobody's going to clean up the messes of your life that you get into giving to other people to get alliance, so that whenyo'ure left with nothing but problems and bills and negativity, it's YOU that has to deal with it.
The life that you have in life - you'll define, create, achieve and maintain it - or else you're condemned to living on someone else's terms, for their needs, by their standards and demands....as a slave, period the end.
HEre's the thing....nobody is 'responsible' for conducting themselves with high character or integrity as a result of "your reality". I'm sorry about your situation, but it is real and it's impactive, and it's that "fault/blame is not a solution" is still the reality of life. It's not your fault that you were physically and mentally compromised...and it's not your fault you involved in a cmpromised physical/emotional state, but it's not a "solution" as to how to "fix" the reality of your world.
If you're taking him to small claims court....realize you're talking civil damages and liability. And everyday tons of awards are made in civil court - that cannot ever be collected because the person against whom the judgement is rendered is "penniless" in legal terms.
Other people's needs, character, values, and intentions - you can't know them and before you emotionally attach and involve and begin to plan a future and give things in your life that you'd need for your own "success" - you have to take responsibility for what you're doing.
So it's a real tragedy that your situation is what it is....but do accept it as it is so that you can make the most logical and responsible decisions about how to get to where you want to be...not "back at him for being like he is, despite whatever you do."
Well, it's living in a dream world to believe that everybody shares your principles and ethics, standard sand values and lives up to them at all times by self-requirement. They don't.
So don't intertwine, entangle and "trust" people who's character you have not reviewed and judged objectively......in a myriad of situations. And even then, you could be wrong but it won't be hard to take responsibility for it in that circumstance.
Basically, if you want the judgement for empowerment...that's great. I just figured that if he needed money from you - he certainly has no money that the court can track to give you. And obviously you'd pay out money to get the judgement.....which is more money you say you haven't got, going to get a judgement that'll likely never be paid. If you want that because yo'ure going to utilize that to go forward - I'm all about it. Just make sure you don't get caught up in the process, and get fixated on the "judgement' as being able to offer you something you odn't empower it to do for you, and then require of yourself to follow thru on.
Okay so the bulk of your point is you are upset that your XBF isn't showing you the same level of "breakup respect" that he showed his last GF. I've got one question for you. How do you know that he really showed her this "respect"? From the little you describe it sounds entirely possible that he started seeing you BEFORE he broke up with his XGF, and THAT is why he kept you hidden away like he was ashamed or something. It just seems that if he was so honorable in one XGF's feelings that it's odd for the total lack of regard for yours.
So what are you going to do? You're an adult and you have adult responsibilities. You're going to remeber that you're strong and stop pittying yourself. Your XBF has shown his true colors and shown that you're better off with out someone who is so careless for you and your feelings. You're going to be the woman of class and integrity and character that you are, and you're going to get through this smarter, healthier, and happier in the end.
If this is the same guy that dumped you after he got your money from yoru disability or whatever...here's the deal.
I know that YOU thought you were his girlfriend...but you never were.
He was careful about taking you around "anywhere" because he didn't want to be seen with you. He wanted to sleep with you and benefit via your approach of "everything that's mine is yours because you're with me now" attitude.
But he didn't have a relationship with you of emotional investment, he didn't consider you equal to him in every way. You were a "source" of waht he needed - whatever it was at the time - be it money, sex, attention, or whatever.
But he never considered your needs or feelings, he didn't emotionally attach and involve with YOU as a person.........you failed to see that in all the giving, and planning and unrealistic expectations, and occasionally heady feelings.
But you're not logical, you're not assessing teh facts, you're not self-aware or self-responsible.
This guy isn't making it difficult on you to sell roses by going there....he doesn't care what you do, he never did - it was you that wanted him and you were "renting" him and now that yo're out of whatever it was that he was taking as "rent" in exchange for his ttention - he's gone elsewhere.
That's all it is. Your life is your responsibility, nobody's going to make you into what you're not at the core. Nobody's going to clean up the messes of your life that you get into giving to other people to get alliance, so that whenyo'ure left with nothing but problems and bills and negativity, it's YOU that has to deal with it.
The life that you have in life - you'll define, create, achieve and maintain it - or else you're condemned to living on someone else's terms, for their needs, by their standards and demands....as a slave, period the end.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Erin, you raise some valid points to a certain extent,
HEre's the thing....nobody is 'responsible' for conducting themselves with high character or integrity as a result of "your reality". I'm sorry about your situation, but it is real and it's impactive, and it's that "fault/blame is not a solution" is still the reality of life. It's not your fault that you were physically and mentally compromised...and it's not your fault you involved in a cmpromised physical/emotional state, but it's not a "solution" as to how to "fix" the reality of your world.
If you're taking him to small claims court....realize you're talking civil damages and liability. And everyday tons of awards are made in civil court - that cannot ever be collected because the person against whom the judgement is rendered is "penniless" in legal terms.
Other people's needs, character, values, and intentions - you can't know them and before you emotionally attach and involve and begin to plan a future and give things in your life that you'd need for your own "success" - you have to take responsibility for what you're doing.
So it's a real tragedy that your situation is what it is....but do accept it as it is so that you can make the most logical and responsible decisions about how to get to where you want to be...not "back at him for being like he is, despite whatever you do."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Hi Erin, only now read your reply.
I guess I disagree.
Well, it's living in a dream world to believe that everybody shares your principles and ethics, standard sand values and lives up to them at all times by self-requirement. They don't.
So don't intertwine, entangle and "trust" people who's character you have not reviewed and judged objectively......in a myriad of situations. And even then, you could be wrong but it won't be hard to take responsibility for it in that circumstance.
Basically, if you want the judgement for empowerment...that's great. I just figured that if he needed money from you - he certainly has no money that the court can track to give you. And obviously you'd pay out money to get the judgement.....which is more money you say you haven't got, going to get a judgement that'll likely never be paid. If you want that because yo'ure going to utilize that to go forward - I'm all about it. Just make sure you don't get caught up in the process, and get fixated on the "judgement' as being able to offer you something you odn't empower it to do for you, and then require of yourself to follow thru on.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Actually small claims court in my state will allow a person as low income as me to get a waiver on any filing fees.