I am just so lost
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I am just so lost
| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:44am |
So my ex and I dated for 3 months, it was a whirlwind romance, we feel in the love the moment we met each other and we both knew that we wanted to be with only each forever. After dating for about a month and a half, we moved in together, which is strange, I am a recovering commitment phobic. Anyway, everything was all good until one day he got into what he described as a funk, he was depressed. He no longer wanted to go out, no longer wanted to hang out with friends, we just went through life together, not really on the same page. He assured me that this had nothing to do with us or me and that this was an issue he needed to work out by himself and that he would eventually get out of it. After about a month of his depressed mood, he came to me and told me that he needed to move out, that he needed his own space his own house, I was fine with that, if he felt we moved in together too quickly, I can accept that. But that wasn't it, he told me that he needed his own house that he just couldn't see me anymore, he needed to get himself back to normal and that he just felt that he wasn't emotionally available to himself and he just couldn't be available to me. Again, he assured me that this didn't have anything to do with us, it was him... He loved me and that he hoped he could come back. He told me that he was scared and unsure but that in his heart he knew that this decision would be good for us and that he needed to get right before he could be right with me. He left me and my heart was destroyed, I thought I was going to die, to say the least it was a tough couple of days then the anger, depression and feeling of betrayal kicked in. He told me that he wanted to still talk to me everyday and that he still wanted to hang out but that he needed time. I told him that I would not call or text so I could give him space, he said that he didn't space, he wanted me to be me, if i wanted to call, call him if I wanted to text, text him... He said that he loves me and that he just needs to work on himself and he wasn't sure what the problem was or how to fix it but moving out and taking time away felt was the best decision possible. He has slowly been moving his stuff out over the past week and our texts have been all moving related... One night we were texting and it was a pleasant conversation I told him that we should hang out and get a drink one, he was totally into it. I put the ball in his court and told him to setup and let me know, that was 5 days ago. Last night we again had a pleasant conversation through texting I asked him how he was (even though I am angry, I am still supportive of him) he told me that he was still trying to get his life back to normal and that soon we would get a drink... I love him so much that I want to explode when I think about him, I have so much pain and betrayal in my heart that I am afraid that I won't be able to get past it. We have made an agreement that neither of us are seeing other people so we are in limbo. I am in the process of moving on but not really moving on. I am holding onto the fantasy that he will tell me that he misses me and that he wants to come back but at the same time I am doing things in my life to mend my wounds... Am I being completely stupid? We both want to be each other but how long do I wait before I cut the ties? I am so angry with him but I love him so much... I want to give him the time that he needs because I know from past experiences that I have needed it (and I wasn't given it, so I left) and I don't want to push him but I don't want to wait forever...

you guys only been in that relationship in 3 months so compare to many ladys here. their relationship was 6 mths, 8 mths, 1 yr, 1.5,2,5,10 yrs or more.. but they made it. so i dont think you cant do it too.
good luck
Hey there corporate_kitty,
I don't have a lot of advice for you as I'm going through something simliar. I just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one going through something like this. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 1 1/2 years together because he feels like he is wasting my time (he can't decide if he wants kids someday and I know I do want them). The whole time during the breakup he kept telling me it wasn't me it was him and that he really did love me and wanted to be with me but felt like he needed to figure things out. He has other issues making decisions that are involved in all of this too but I won't get into that. Last Wed he came over to talk and like your boyfriend he also told me that he wanted to still call me and hang out but not be together. Its like he still wants all the same things of the realtionship but without actually calling it that. What I did was tell him that if he wants to stay broken up and not be together now that we need to act like we are broken up. That was really hard for me because I do want to talk to him and I do want to see him. I basically left the ball in his court and told him I would not be contacting him that it was up to him to do that because I wanted to give him the space that he needs. Since then he has been contacting me frequently so I'm not sure how well this is all working. So I hear ya about feeling like you are in limbo. Its really hard to try and move on when they keep telling you that they do want to work it out someday. I feel like I should wait for him but I keep trying to tell myself that I need to focus on me and try and move on. That doesn't mean that I can't still love him and that doesn't mean that I even have to date other people. It just means that I am going to try as hard as it may be to figure out who I am and reconnect with that. In my opinion, I think that you should try to do that same. Then if/when he asks for you back you will know that you gave him space to figure things out but also made yourself a better person.
As for how long you should wait before cutting ties completely? I haven't figured that out myself. Thats something I struggle with daily. Its like on one hand you want to wait for them but on the other you worry that you are in denial and don't want to wait too long. Sigh... I wish I had the answer to that one.