I AM SICK OVER THIS
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I AM SICK OVER THIS
| Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:09pm |
I am so glad I found this website. I was dating my boyfriend for 2 years...who I also work with. We moved in together right away (big mistake, considering that we also worked together). Everything was GREAT in the beginning. He treated me like a queen. After almost a year, he decided he wanted to build a new house. I totally encouraged him, and although I didn't help him financially, I helped him design and decorate the entire house. We had planned on living there together, and I put my whole heart into this house, and into this relationship. I thought we'd eventually get married. He is divorced, but has no children. He says he still wants to get married again and have a family one day. I am 26 and he is 36. I always tend to date older men...I feel more compatible with them for some reason. Anyway, I truly thought he was "the one". After about a year, things started to go down hill. He kept saying something was missing...that the spark was missing. He thought maybe I shouldn't move into the new house right away (keep in mind that we had already lived together, and we still work together) I was devastated, but complied with his "breaks". Things were up and down, but I just wanted to work things out. Eventually, I kind of moved my way in to the new house...even though he never officially asked me to move in. Then about 6 weeks ago, he wanted some more "space", which then just turned into a final break up. I am DEVASTATED. I've been crying every single day...Then to make matters worse, I saw him out at a local night spot 2 weeks ago talking to another girl, and I got so upset. All I could think about was him and her. THEN I FOUND OUT THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAW HIM HOLDING HANDS WITH THE SAME GIRL ON A DATE THIS PAST WEEKEND! I AM SO SICK OVER THIS, I CAN'T STOP CRYING AND VOMITING. ALL I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IS HIM AND HER HOLDING HANDS AND BEING INTIMATE TOGETHER OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD. I can't think about anything else. He told me he wasn't interested in dating anyone else...and that he wasn't looking for anything serious, but why was he on a date with her...SO SOON??!! After I treated him so good and gave him my heart and all of my love...why would he rather be with her than me? I can't stop thinking about the two of them together...when all I want is to be back in his arms...holding him and enjoying his companionship. We've been through so much in the past two years...and we were together every single day. How could he just move on and forget about me and everything...all the love and friendship and intimacy!? I haven't eaten in days and all I do is cry and torture myself with these images. And I have to see and hear him at work. At this point we are not even speaking at work...except for an awkward "hi" once in a while. I am so so devastated. How could he not miss me? How could he just move on so fast? I need some advice on how to get these horrible images of them out of my head. I want to call him so bad, but I know I shouldn't. The thought of some other woman's hands on him and her enjoying everything that I miss is making me sick. I can't bear the thought of her in his bed...in that house. Someone please help...
Edited 7/25/2007 9:15 pm ET by hopeful1111
Edited 7/25/2007 9:15 pm ET by hopeful1111

Welcome to the board hopeful1111,
Why are you giving this guy so much power over you?
Thank you again!
Hi Hopeful...I know how hard this is for you--I've been through it. Like everyone here is saying, the most important thing you can do is to do things for yourself. You have to force yourself to take him out of the equation. Make a list of things that YOU enjoy doing, then find a way to do them.
In order to get to some place in your life, you must take actions that take you there. I'm not sure where you're from, but here in GA we like to say, "You can't get to the beach in FL by driving on I85 North!" You may INTEND to get over him or feel better, but in order to do so, you have to get yourself on the correct path. The correct path does not include dwelling in the past and on him, as hard as it can be to stop doing that!
Hang in there, and read some of those books about harnessing your thoughts. I'm not sure what faith you subscribe to, but another great book that discusses how we torture ourselves in our heads and how to stop is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It's a GREAT book, by a very wise Christian author.
One more tidbit I've learned...IN GENERAL, when going through a breakup, the woman tends to FEEL the shock of everything right away, especially if she is the one being broken up with. The guy, on the other hand, oftentimes (especially if he did the breaking up) needs 4-6 months to really realize what he's lost and that he really misses you. Of course there are exceptions to all generalities, and I'm not trying to give you false hope. I just want you to realize that although his actions don't show you that he misses you NOW...I'd be willing to bet they will in the future.
I didn't believe I would ever hear from the guy who broke my heart ever again, but I did. That's why it is of the UTMOST importance that you continue to work on yourself NOW and build yourself up. That way, when/if he DOES get in touch with you again, you will be strong enough to make a real decision about what you want. Because I'm telling you, even though all you want right now is for him to come back, if he does, it's NOT an easy path. He's broken your heart, and you won't realize just what it's done to sever your trust in him until you try the relationship again. I've been through this as well, and I never thought it would be as hard as it was to open my heart to him again. No matter what happens or doesn't happen in the future, you must take him out of the equation NOW. Don't build yourself with him as the foundation. Learn how to be just YOU again.
Keep your head up; you KNOW you are a great catch, so start acting that way!
S
I will also try to pick up that book. I'm from NY...and I'm also of Christian faith. I hope it helps me. I felt like I could get him back by playing it cool...until I found out he was dating someone else. Now I feel like he won't even have a chance to miss me because he has someone new to occupy his time and thoughts. Ugh!
Thanks again...
She's the rebound girl. If he wasn't ready to be serious with you, he isn't ready to be serious with anyone else yet, either. Sucks for her! Meanwhile, you'll be busy feeling awesome about yourself again.
: )
S