I am so heart broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
I am so heart broken
8
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 8:37am
I really do not know what to do now. A guy I love so much just broke up with me.
We've been together for 3 months and spent every free time together. He already told me he loves me and I was soooooo happy with him. Today, we went to AL (we live in GA) to visit my parents. On the way home, we were joking and laughing.... it was perfect until he started talking about him going to school. He will be attending school 2 hours from Atlanta. I got sad and started asking him questions about our relationship. He said I shouldnt start anything that it will end up arguing... well, since we never really talked about it, I asked him to do that for me. He finally agreed but it was a bad decision. We started talking and then I told him what I did 3 days ago. He left his myspace account opened and I went through his email. I shouldnt have done it, now I know. There were some emails from his ex, then from three other girls he knows from back home - NJ. He sent them kinda intimate and nasty emails ... but hey, maybe it waws just a talk. Then there was an email he sent to some girl on myspace that he wants to get to know her.... It hurt me but since I trust him, I did not think about it very much. But when he started talking about the school, I got worried and told him that. He got so mad that he stopped talking to me, when I tried to grab his hand at least 50 times he told me not to touch him, he called me crazy, he said I sneaked on him and other things that made me cry. I started apologizing and crying .... When we were coming to his house I asked him to talk to me but he said that I am crazy and That I messed up. He got out of the car and I ran behind him trying to catch him but he just pushed my and closed the door.... Next thing I know when I come home, he already deleted me from myspace friends list. I am here all by myself, crying and hating myself for what I did. On the other hand am thinkin, why is it so bad? I would not be that mad at him if he went through my email.... I would not definitely break up with him. Why did he delete from his life after one stupid thing? I know I messed up but why cant we work it out? He said I should not call him again. I am so unhappy like never before. I fell in love and now my heart is so broken. I just want him back so much I would do anything. I am hoping he will call even though I know he wont. Please help ... I really dont know what to do...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 9:16am

Let's just get this out of the way. You had no right to look at his e-mail. You say you love him, but you obviously don't trust him if your checking his mail.

Having said that:

"There were some emails from his ex, then from three other girls he knows from back home - NJ. He sent them kinda intimate and nasty emails ... but hey, maybe it waws just a talk". No man who truly loves you would be sending "intimate and nasty emails" to other women. Certainly not 4 other women.

"Then there was an email he sent to some girl on myspace that he wants to get to know her.... It hurt me but since I trust him" - Say what. He's writing in myspace that he wants to get to know another woman and you trust him. .

"He got so mad that he stopped talking to me" - of course he was mad. You not only invaded his privacy, but you caught him cheating. Don't even get me started on the fact that when cornered he turned it all back on you and pushed you.

Be glad you found all this out after 3 months and not 3 years. I know it hurts, but please don't try to contact him again. Trust me, there are trustworthy men out there.

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 10:22am
This guy sounds like a jerk...you deserve better. My advice is don't contact him again, he's wasted enough of your precious time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 11:11am

it sounds like he was trying to go mess around with another girl, and he got mad at you because he got caight and knows he messed up. What you should do is dont try to call him and act like you dont even care anymore, when i know inside your heart is broken but u shouldnt let him see what he really did to you. let him learn. and maybe he will realise what he lost and change his way then come back.

Shannan

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 11:56am

I can see two sides to this:
First, you must have some trust issues if you are looking into his email. I would be very upset if the person I was dating looked into my email account because it is a form of invasion of privacy but you did find something out that solved your curiosty of him possibly wanting to be with other women. You are obviously not #1 in his book and it doesn't sound like you ever were if he is flirting with women online. As much as this hurts and I know what it is like to be heartbroken because I am going through the same pain right now, you need to let it go for now and NOT contact him at all. He is very upset right now and you are very heartbroken so the two don't mix.

Second, he probably did overreact a little. If he really cared for you, he would have handled this much better instead of just ending things. My gut feeling is that his feeling were probably not as deep as you thought or he would have sat down and talked to you about what he did.

Hang in there and I really do wish you the best. Thank God you only dated him for 3 months but I know it still hurts. My ex and I were only together for 8 months and at times I feel it hurts like we were together for 8 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:51pm
sweetheart sweetheart sweetheart. The only reason you are crazy is because you are letting him disrespect you like that. You have to grow some balls, be strong and stop allowing yourself to be treated like that. We teach people how to treat us. Yiou have taught him that he can treat you any way he wants and you will blame yourself. You're smarter than that, but you're letting your emotions cloud your common sense. Would it be ok if you had talked to other guys on myspace like that? No. The reason you didn't think too much about it is because you didn't want to think about something that hurts you, not because you "trust him". It's been three months, not three years. Drop that jerk like a prom dress. He's manipulating you, and you're letting him. Now let me tell you what to do. He's expectign you to cal and kiss his ass like you always do, so DO NOT CALL HIM. Trust me, he'll be calling you soon enough. But for your sake, I hope he doesn't. He's not worth your time. Work on getting over that 3 months of your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 2:02pm
Thank you all for taking the time to reply me. I did not sleep all night but had at least time to think. I miss him so much ... I have been through a lot in my life and my last relationship lasted 4 years. I love being in a relationship and that is what I expected from this guy. I went through lots of dates and when I met him, I fell in love. He was soo different ... he was not very ready to be in a relationship so I was giving him time but when he started treating me really nice, buying me presents and calling me several times a day, spending nights in my house, .... I just thought we were serious. I do have trust issues. My ex cheated on me ... I messed up be reading the emails and I am blaming myself for that ... on the other hand, I guess he was just using me. I am a nice person and did so much for him. I found him a job, he was using my car from time to time, gave him money to pay off what he owed to one guy ... Yeah, I was stupid.
I do miss him though and it hurts to know that he is not going to call. I sent him few emails that he read but I dont think he paid them much attention. I keep hoping he is going to call because I really care about him ... I am trying really hard not to call. I called his cousing though he lives with but she did not answer the phone. She always answered it or called me right back but now ... nothing. I am just praying and hoping
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 3:04pm

I'm sorry you're experiencing this pain; I found out my ex was talking to other girls online and sent one flowers (thanks) when I got into his email just like what you saw. No, it's not right, yes, trust issues, blah blah blah, but everyone on here is right: this guy doesn't deserve you if he's not willing to make you #1. He's just stroking his own ego by flirting with other girls online. Don't be one of his harem, begging and pleading for his return.

I know this is hard... but start focusing on taking care of yourself, not what he's doing, why he's not answering, etc. The others were right about the time too- it's was only 3 months (not to belittle the time you spent), but I was with my ex for almost 2 yrs and found out the same stuff. It's much more devastating the more emotional time you put into it.... he showed his true colors to you early on.

Hang in there.. maybe you should check out the Snooping board on ivillage as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 5:30pm
This is going to sound harsh but guys go for chicks that are confident and cool. You are not acting confident and cool. Guys like to chase after things - like dogs - and feel like they have a trophy when they catch it. You are not making him chase you. You are chasing him. Stop! Stop crying to him and his cousin. Don't you feel worse when you try to communicate with them and they don't answer? Stop communication immediately. Your self-esteem is at risk. I know because I have been right where you are. I look at myself now and think about how big and bad it must have made that guy feel to see me act like a basketcase! Don't be like me. Stop now.