i am so weak...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
i am so weak...
2
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:59am
I spent all weekend dodgeing my ex's calls. He left a dozen messages asking me to call him & I didn't. We are supposed to be doing the "no contact" thing, and I am angry at him for a promise he broke. After over a month of total mixed signals he told me a week ago that he "just fell out of love". So why dosn't he just go away & stop calling when I don't answer the phone or call him back. Well I finally caved last night around 9pm & answered the phone. He had been drinking (a common occurance these days). He said "your pretty mad eh?" I said it is irrelevant and that he has been clear about how he feels now & there is nothing left to say. He said he has some of my clothes that he needs to return & I have some CD's of his friends. These are material things - I think we could write them off. I told him I am not worried about getting my stuff back. He went on about how he is going to "live at work" all week but will come by Thursday night to bring my stuff. Again, I said don't worry about it. He called another 3 times after that. Each time to say "goodbye". But the last time he called he said something else. "I still love you, do you think we could work on things." I was silent. He said it is up to me and I don't need to decide right away. I love him - I adore him. I believe he is "the one". But nothing will change. He is still obsessed with work & actions speak louder then words.
I believe this split has been hard on him as well - neither of us wanted it & both are of the opinion that it was the other person's idea. But he has spun so out of control that he is not the same person anymore & the trust has been damaged. We need different things from each other & I don't think he is capable of giving me the commitment that he had once promised and planned.
I miss him desperately - I am addicted to the very thought of him. I wish he would step up to the plate and prove me wrong, but I think this late night drunk speech he gave me will be short lived. I am so miserable without him. I had never known what it was like to be so happy before I meet him. I don't want to see him because I know that will push me backwards in the healing process.
Why is it that neither of us can let go of this, and yet nothing is fixable?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:09pm

You're expecting rational behavior from someone who isn't capable of it.

It's up to YOU to set the boundaries...he'll take as much as he can get from you but nothing will change.

If you want no contact (and that's the only thing that's going to work to get past this), you're going to have to enforce it, because he's not going to respect your wishes. You need to block him from calling you and if that's not possible (because he's calling your cell), you may need to change your number.

And think about it...how can he be "the one" if he's not willing to or capable of making a commitment to you?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 4:16pm