I angered her...she cut me off

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2013
I angered her...she cut me off
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 5:52pm

Hey…thanks for reading. I would really appreciate some advice here.

I dated a 44 y/o Russian doctor, 14 years divorced, one grown son---I am much younger than her, never married, doctoral student. She initiated contact on a dating site. She was the more aggressive party---in terms of wanting to talk on the phone/Skype every night, wanting to go out on dates (she felt it took me too long to ask her out), wanting me to express more affection, and so on. But I made a few mistakes. For one, I jokingly called her a “prostitute” (in another language that I speak). She wanted to cut off all contact with me. I called her and apologized---we made up. Then, I promised to Skype with her one night and left her waiting---I accidentally fell asleep. She canceled our date the next morning and wanted to stop dating---because of that and also because I took too long to confirm plans for our date. I apologized and promised her I wouldn’t let that happen again. We made up and she wanted us to go out that day---we did. Her interest went all the day up---very physical on the date, insisted on me calling her afterward when I got home (I did). 

It continues like this through the week---“I miss you”, “I was thinking about you”---all of this constantly coming from her. I tend to play it cool, but she kept pressuring me to show more affection---when I did this a little bit, bowing to her pressure, she said that she just wanted me to ease up to make sure I wouldn’t move too fast so she wouldn’t be hurt. Obviously I was taken aback---I told her I was partly feigning that because of her insistence. She continued Skyping me the next few days and all the verbal affection, but I guess I got a little colder. She got upset when I had to end a Skype conversation early one day due to my studies. Then, I did not speak to her for one day---I was partly busy, and partly just pulling back---again, as per her request. I contact her the day before our planned date (once again I failed to finalize plans) just to say hey and chat. She then said “I was going to ask you to cancel” our date. I simply said “k.” I logged off of Skype shortly after. I didn’t log back in or contact her at all for five days.

She blocked me on Skype on that fifth day (I know because we were still contacts the day before). She cut me off completely. She blocked me on Skype, she blocked my phone numbers. I’ve contacted her a few times through other mediums (over the course of two weeks), but she is not budging.

I didn’t realize how much this would hurt. Is there anything that I can do to salvage this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 8:07pm

Honestly, this woman sounds like a piece of work--why would you want her back?  She pressures you to show more affection, then when you do, she tells you to take it slower--this is not something that a mature normal person does.  It's game playing.  A mature person also understands that you have other obligations with school and sometimes need to attend to those things--doesn't she have to work & take care of her kid?  On the other hand, if you have been dating for a while, it's also immature of you not to call her for 5 days--but I wouldn't have handled that like she did--I would have just called  you to ask what is up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 12:15am

I don't think you should try to salvage it, I think this is your cue to get away while you can. I know that's not what you asked but that's what I think and here's why: she has control issues and has sounds manipulative. She wants to run the relationship and when you don't fall into line she punishes you by withdrawing her affection. Also you should not be pressured to show affection or behave a certain way, you should be allowed to be yourself. She should understand and accept that you have a full life outside of the relationship.

Just because she is older than you doesn't mean that she is emotionally mature. If you get back together with her you should expect this kind of drama to continue. Is that the type of relationship that you want?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 1:48am

  One question.   Have you met her in the flesh?  If so then this temper tantrum is not mature.   But it seems neither are you.