i b sandradee
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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 8:52pm |
As I read through your last post, I realize just how similar our situations are. My ex (I really hate how that sounds) is about to start job-searching, will most likely be buying a new house soon, and his father has cancer that is not responding to treatment.
Like your ex, he felt pressure to commit, with none of that coming from me. I, too, would be just as happy just dating for awhile and am in no way ready for marriage or kids yet. And like you, as hard as I tried I don't feel I communicated this well enough. He just felt we hit that one year mark and for some reason were expected to evaluate what direction we were headed in. We also discussed things about me I need to work on, such as being more comfortable with who I am and where I am going, but I feel have recognized these things and have been working on them while in the relationship.
Congratulations on being able to feel you are moving forward with your life already, even just the slightest bit. I am definitely nowhere near that point yet. While I am not crying constantly, I am just wandering aimlessly around my house, sleeping when I can, not being able to eat, being unable to do any of the things I need to get done this week, and all around just feeling numb. I feel I got an adequate explanation as well - we talked for 4 hours Thursday night (when we broke up), an hour the next day, 3 1/2 hours on Saturday, and have had no contact since. He told me if there was anything else I needed explained or wanted to talk about, he would be willing. I feel that most of my questions have been answered, although I don't necessarily feel good about/satisfied with all of those answers. He was surprised when I told him 'good luck with job searching' because, as he said, 'it's not like we're not going to talk'. He even said we would talk again sometime this week, but he did not want to give me false hope.
And as much as it would make things easier, I just can't think badly of him. He was an amazing boyfriend and person in general, and is not someone I could handle disappearing completely from my life.
I have a few questions for you and things I would like your opinion on. If they are too personal, and you would not like to share, that is absolutely fine. What were all the reasons he gave you for breaking up? I know you listed some (not being able to commit, etc), but is that all he said? Did you two discuss leaving the door open for the possibility of something happening in the future (or is it just a hope in the back of your mind)?
In situations such as this, do you think absolutely no contact is best? (I'm aware that is the general consensus for most if not all breakups) I know that I need to give him space, and I need space as well to work on my own issues. But I also still want to be supportive towards him, especially were anything to happen to his dad. And he has expressed the fact that he would still like to talk, but does not want to feel like he's 'stringing me along' and making me unfairly wait around for him. Maybe I'm being naive and stupid, hoping that if I'm still a part of his life (even if it's not in the capacity that I want) that he won't forget about me and that if he is ready for a relationship again, I will be the first person he thinks of. And I am conscious of the fact that I would be continuously hanging onto hope, and that's not healthy. I don't know, I'm just having a hard time letting go. And I'm also rambling, sorry. It would just be nice to hear opinions from you because you are in a situation almost parallel to mine (but everyone's comments will of course be appreciated)
Edited 5/1/2006 8:57 pm ET by cloudnin9

I pretty much figured if you read some of my story you would see what I had seen: that at least on the surface, our stories run quite parallel to each other.
....."What were all the reasons he gave you for breaking up? I know you listed some (not being able to commit, etc), but is that all he said?"..... Oh boy, where do I begin?
Sandra,
Thanks for your insights and sharing your story. From your posts, your sound like such a strong woman (and from your picture, you're beautiful as well!)
Good luck with whatever life has in store for you next -