I broke up with him and I feel guilty
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I broke up with him and I feel guilty
| Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:51am |
I'll try to keep this short. Basically, I was friends with Shawn for about four years. All that time, we had kind of danced around the issue of dating each other, especially with me going to school in a different state, but one night last summer, I decided I wanted to see what kissing him would be like. So we did, and we were together from that point on. Our relationship had little ups and downs, but we never had a huge fight and even being away from him for 4 months at school didn't seem to be a problem. However, when I came home for Christmas break, things felt kind of off. We were at the "I love you" stage, and saying it felt a little hollow to me, but I figured I was just going through a phase. At any rate, one night we both went to a party where he chose to drink and I did not because I had to work early the next morning. A girl I have known since the fifth grade, Megan, was at this party too. When I was there, all she could talk about was "how cute you and Shawn are!" Well... she ended up driving my drunk boyfriend home and he invited her inside to hang out. They ended up making out and God knows what else, without clothes on, in his bed-- the same bed he and I were in less than 24 hours later. I knew nothing of this until about a week later when Megan called and told me about it. I was hurt and shocked and I cried really hard... for about 10 minutes. The next day, I broke up with Shawn and I thought that would be that. Well, no. He kept trying to show me he still loved me, and he wanted me back, but I wanted nothing to do with it. And now, I'm afraid that I never really loved him at all, which is kind of scary to admit, and I feel horrendously guilty because I know he still loves me and I feel bad for having to ignore his feelings and just think about my own. I don't know what I want out of this message... advice, kind words, "I've been there too" stories... just something to let me know I'm not alone.

If he loved you he never would have cheated on you--for me infidelity is a total deal breaker.
You don't have anything to feel guilty of.
Breaking up brings all kinds of horrible feelings, and while guilt could be one of them, and I guess I can see your point, you're having a hard time being punishing towards your ex because you were friends for a long time, it was one time, he was drunk, and he very well does have very strong feelings for you.
The thing is, his feelings weren't strong enough (nor was his character) to stop him from inviting another girl into his home after-hours, or stop him from kissing her and