I broke it off, but now having second thoughts....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
I broke it off, but now having second thoughts....
3
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 8:32pm

I broke of my relationship of 3 years with my girlfriend (I'm a guy) this past Sunday.  The reason for doing so is a result of a lot of things that made me feel I was being moved to the friend-zone, such as seeing less and less, and not being invited to some casual family functions.  Not all, but some to make it noteworthy.

The straw that broke the camel's back was that she told me she was planning a cruise vacation.  With her parents.... and a gal pal of hers.  Aparrently, she said she didn't ask me, because I said something about my lack of interest in cruises after the latest disasters Carnival had, and assumed I wouldnt go.   Anyway, that really set me off that I was passed over for a friend, and I stewed all weekend w/o talking to her and skipping out on some family gatherings I WAS invited to. 

Thinking back this past week, I feel like I cut off my nose to spite my face, and made a mistake, and want to get her back.  Commuincating our feelings (of lack thereof) have always been the crux of our arguments, especially when I'm the cause.  I'm the type to pout and bottle it up until it bursts apart and starts a argument.

I want the chance to be able to express this to her and my hope to try to get together again with the agreement that we work on communicating our feelings to each other right away and more often.  I already asked her yesterday if she would talk, but she said she wasnt ready.  When would be a good time to open up communication and bring up my feelings of working this out and trying one more time?

Thanks!

Mr. Blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

You should give her some time to miss you. If you try to goad her into talking before she's ready, you could just push her further away. You don't want to come across as too desperate either. I would suggest you give her some space and tell her to call you when she's ready to talk things over. Good Luck

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

mrblue732 wrote:
<p>I broke of my relationship of 3 years with my girlfriend (I'm a guy) this past Sunday.  The reason for doing so is a result of a lot of things that made me feel I was being moved to the friend-zone, such as seeing less and less, and not being invited to some casual family functions.  Not all, but some to make it noteworthy.</p><p>The straw that broke the camel's back was that she told me she was planning a cruise vacation.  With her parents.... and a gal pal of hers.  Aparrently, she said she didn't ask me, because I said something about my lack of interest in cruises after the latest disasters Carnival had, and assumed I wouldnt go.   Anyway, that really set me off that I was passed over for a friend, and I stewed all weekend w/o talking to her and skipping out on some family gatherings I WAS invited to. </p><p>Thinking back this past week, I feel like I cut off my nose to spite my face, and made a mistake, and want to get her back.  Commuincating our feelings (of lack thereof) have always been the crux of our arguments, especially when I'm the cause.  I'm the type to pout and bottle it up until it bursts apart and starts a argument.</p><p>I want the chance to be able to express this to her and my hope to try to get together again with the agreement that we work on communicating our feelings to each other right away and more often.  I already asked her yesterday if she would talk, but she said she wasnt ready.  When would be a good time to open up communication and bring up my feelings of working this out and trying one more time?</p><p>Thanks!</p><p>Mr. Blue</p>

It would appear that you succumbed to your pattern and she's had enough of it.

Don't approach her--let her approach you *IF* she is interested in getting back with you. The ball is no longer in your court here.  You may just need to learn the life lesson from this and go do some work on yourself so that you crush this tendency of yours to get mad, pout, bottle your self up until you explode and start arguments--you can see that that tack doesn't get you what you want... and it's not a cute look.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013

"I'm the type to pout and bottle it up until it bursts apart and starts a argument."

I feel for you because I am the same way. It's a bad way to be and I am currently working on resolving that issue myself in general and in my current relationship. As long as she knows you want to talk to her then the ball is in her court as the other poster said. She will get in touch with you when she wants to talk to you. If she doesn't, then she is probably glad the two of you are no longer a couple...maybe there was a reason she was treating you more like a friend then a partner.

Whether or not a relationship works out is not the point. It's whether or not you did everything you could to try and make it work. From now on when something is bothering you, you must speak up. People aren't mind readers and what may seem clear as day to you may not be so clear to the other person. This will avoid problems in the future. Good luck!