i broke it off now i have doubts

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
i broke it off now i have doubts
2
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:56pm

i have been with my partner for 5 1/2 years, i moved in with him about 8 months ago. Since living with him i have realised that he is pretty much a single guy, even though he tells me that he loves me and my kids and he is great with them. He does his own thing all the time, Weekends are for his friends. I have to spend my time with my kids alone, whilst he does his own thing with his friends. He goes out every Friday and Saturday night with his mates.

I tried speaking to him about this and he says that because he spends Monday night - Thursday nights with me and the kids, he should be able to spend the weekends with his friends.

I have tried to include myself in his weekends, but a lot of the time they go to places which i don't think my kids should be eg. biker shows etc.

After another weekend of being alone with my kids whilst he went to a party with a group of his daughters friends, he is 48 and his daughter and her friends are 23 - 26. I told him i was moving out.

He told me that he loved me and he didn't want me to go, but he was too old to change and if i really felt like that then he thought moving out was the right thing to do.

I have only two more weeks before i get the keys for my own place, but i am starting to have doubts, i really do love him and i guess i was really just calling his bluff, to see if he would change. I know he wont change and now i am starting to think, maybe i can put up with it? Am i stupid for feeling like this. Deep down i know i deserve better, but i am scared that i will never get over this guy.

Please give me advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 7:05pm
Are you truly satisfied with just living with him? Did you have any hopes of a marriage? Be honest. If it was marriage you truly wanted, then in staying with him you lose more than just some weekend dates. 'Cause he doesn't sound like he's ready to marry. Or to really stretch himself to do much of anything that you need. Or am I wrong? What do you get from this relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 7:12pm
thank you for your response.
we both agreed when things started to get serious that we didn't want to get married, we have both been married before and actually met about 6 months after both our marriages had broken up.
i really wanted a long term partner who would be there for me. I want to grow old with someone that likes my company. Who i can plan things with like travelling, even just staying home together. The problem really is i feel that i love his company, but he doesn't enjoy mine.
I am not as much fun as the group of 20-30 yo's, he spends so much time with his daughter and her friends. Maybe he is having a mid life crisis. Should i wait for him to get over this need to hang around with younger people?