I Broke NC...Now What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
I Broke NC...Now What?
7
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:59pm

We've been broken up for about 4 months now with 2 months of complete NC (a 1.9 month relationship - we lived with one another as well). I've been healing okay, some ups some downs. I still am in love with this man and though I've read/heard all the people saying nc, nc, nc...I decided to take a step and contact him.

So I called him on Wednesday - he seemed rather shocked but he did not hang up (he was the dumper) nor act mean. It was a pleasant conversation though I admit a bit nerve wrecking. I kept it short, 10 minutes then told him I had to go and I hoped maybe we could talk again. He told me to hold on, he had something to tell me, and proceeded to tell me that he had been reading Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus and took note especially of the first two chapters. I think said something like he had wished someone had given him this book a little earlier and a bit about how men and women communicate. So we hung up. It felt...okay.

But then I decided that there was one more thing I had to say today, and I sent him a brief text "i really appreciate that you shared that you read this book with me. i am very proud of you. take care."

I guess I am hoping that it wasn't too much? I do love this man and I would like to give things another try that is if he's up for it as it takes two to tangle. I wonder why he felt the need to tell me he had read the book. It left me feeling that he was trying to say he 'understood things' from my point of view? or was starting to understand?

I don't know if someone can change in a few months? I feel that I have slowly been changing and I've made an effort to better myself, but I'm not sure what's going on on his end other than a few things as we have mutual friends.

I wonder, if I have jumped the gun by contacting him first and not letting him contact me? And if not, does this seem promising as a start off to something?

I know it's way too soon...I mean he hasn't even called me back yet. I'm figuring I'll give him two weeks and then put him on my nevermind list. I figure this should be the steps I should take? I initiated contact again so now the ball is in his court.

From a man's point of view, I wonder if he is thinking (and i know it's bad to project what he may be thinking) what exactly do i want from him. OR is he just kind of letting it all sink in. I don't think he expected me to ever contact him again. I don't know if he would have contacted me, but maybe?

Gimme your opinions/comments/suggestions please. thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 11:15pm

No more contact!!!!

Contact with ex's is bad in most every way.

Avatar for moet1118
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:32am

Perhaps you should ask yourself if you're feeling better about contacting him or worse?
Are you feeling set-back from the healing process prior to two months ago?
I've been there - we all have. Albeit you still have strong feelings for your ex (and he broke it off with you) Now you have 2 additional weeks to hope, wonder, agonize and analyze about initiating contact & the meaning behind every spoken word.
Give YOURSELF all the credit he read the book "Men are from Mars..."
Also give yourself a "BIG" reward for deciding to wait only 2 weeks for a favorable response - then I hope you'll let us know - wishing you all the best!
Hugs Hugs
Moet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 1:26pm

I feel better that I did contact him actually. I think I would have wondered about it forever. It was almost a mutual breakup, it was based on lack of proper communication and also that he doesn't understand women as well as he thought he did. But honestly I did start to freak out a little bit yesterday asking myself did I do the right thing? Waking up today and thinking about it...I think so. I don't feel like it set me back thankfully. I mean having nc the first time, that came really easily, absolutely no struggle. I was fine with it. I thought we needed it as things were heated. A time out if you will. Well anyways it feels like since he's reading the book that he may understand a few things more about communication and how women work. Ofcourse I'm only speculating but I figure that since he made sure to mention it in the contex that he did, then maybe?? I still wonder, who gave him the book (mom maybe?) or if he actually went to the bookstore and picked it up. It's very interesting to me and yes I do give myself credit. I mean I figure he was thinking about this (or someone was) enough to the point of getting a self help / understanding guide. It's defn a start in some sort of understanding on his part.

So I will take it one day at a time and I figure if he doens't contact me within 2 weeks then you know...i'll put him on the backburner into absolute nevermind. I actually cut it down to one week - the second week I'll be on holiday which I'm excited about.

thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 11:28pm

left my cell at home while at the beach, came back and checked the messages and low and behold...he left a text. it was simple and nice - said it was nice to hear my voice and to talk to me.

felt good. still i am just going to live my life and do what i've been doing. let him do the chasing, and throw a small hook out every once in awhile. thanks for your advice again.

Avatar for moet1118
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 5:11am

I wish you all the best - it is a wonderful feeling when you discover something positive comes from what you initially thought to be an error...
I'm strictly a NC personality - I am happy for you- Your post reminded us all that there exceptions to every rule. Have a wonderful time on holiday!!
GOD BLESS

moet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 1:05pm

honestly, usually i am too - this was the first time in my life that it was hard! i don't know what will become of this - i am trying (though it's hard) not to 'read his mind'. i guess just taking it day by day is the only avenue one can take.

or changing one's phone number and moving to alaska - leaving the computer and all technology behind. lol which i've thought about too. fresh new start. haha.

will keep you guys updated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 5:00pm
We're meeting in a few days for lunch I guess to talk about things. I expect nothing - just wanted to keep you updated. Thanks for your responses.