I called...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
I called...
3
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 9:29am

The loneliness got the best of me this past weekend and I called my ex. I just felt I needed some type of closure since our break-up was never really confirmed other than the fact that he just stopped calling. Needless to say, I still don’t have any closure and I feel 10 times worse. I’ve posted here before, but just to give you a little background on our breakup, we dated for about a year. The first six months were great, then he started getting distant. I guess I nagged him too much, because before I knew it, he just stopped communicating with me, with no explanation, and every time I tried to get an explanation, he’d either say, “nothing’s change, you’re just being paranoid,” or “I just got a lot on my mind.” Well, a few weeks ago, my emotions got the best of me and I called him in the middle of the night, drunk and hysterical, begging for him to tell me why he dropped me. In fact, I was so drunk, I don’t even remember what all was said, I just remember a lot of shouting on my part. So a few days later, I text him an apology, which he never replied to.

Well, this past Saturday, I called him and to my surprise, he actually talked to me. I asked if he felt we were totally over, and all he could say was that he didn’t know. He mentioned that he can’t handle my temper when things don’t go my way. But the only reason I even have a temper is because nothing ever went my way. He controlled the entire relationship. He went from giving me everything to giving me nothing all in one year. Anyway, I apologized to him again for calling him in the middle of the night. I told him that I really missed him and I just wanted things to get back to how it was when we were happy together. I told him that I was really confused because I didn’t know why everything started going so bad in the first place. Needless to say, I had a lot to get off my chest. I ended the conversation telling him that I was willing to work on my temper if he’d agree to communicate with me more. He said he would appreciate that, and the conversation was over. I hung up the phone still feeling confused and wondering if things would get any better. Well, here it is, Tuesday, and I have not heard one word from him. I feel so stupid, like I could crawl under a rock and just die! Why couldn’t he just say that it was over and be done with it? I think I would have handled that a lot better than him continuing to give me false hope and have me waiting on pins and needles for a change in him.

I think I owe you guys an apology. In my last post, many of you said not to contact him, and now I wish I would have listened. And to all you reading this wondering if you should call, DON’T DO IT! If he broke up with you, whether he gives you a reason or not, all the talking in the world is not going to make him take you back if he doesn’t want you. I learned this lesson, the hard, embarrassing way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:17am

Agh, that does suck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 1:46pm

Thanks for all your advice. I must sound like a maniac. This entire “break up” has turned my entire world up-side-down. And the holidays is making it so much worse because last year this time we were so in love. I know I need to let go, but it’s so hard because I honestly did love him so much, and I thought he loved me too. The most confusing part is that when things first started going bad and he said he needed space, I gave it to him. I was so good about the “no contact” in the beginning, but that’s when I got the phone calls and the emails and the text messages from “him” promising that everything was going to get better. Then… nothing!

Anyway, enough with my problems. I’m truly done this time and I am truly going to work on that self-esteem issue because he has totally damaged it. He definitely has me thinking that something is majorly wrong with me for dumping me the way he did. I have an appointment with a therapist the first week in January.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 2:21pm

Not maniac, just a little

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