I called him a liar & he broke up w/ me!
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I called him a liar & he broke up w/ me!
| Sat, 12-18-2004 - 12:51pm |
On several occasions, I've cuaght my boyfriend lying, deceiting and being a two-faced person with his friends and business partners over the phone & in person. He says he does it cuz they all lie to him. In the past he's put up w/ me & when i bring up this issue, which bothers me a great deal, he says that I wouldn't have to worry cuz he would never lie to me. Anyways, so last night, when I witnessed him talking about his friend as a conniving liar and then watch him get on the phone & act as if his friend is the best guy on the planet,I just coulnt' stand it anymore. He's like two separate individuals. Completely nice and polite when faced to faced with someone and behind their back, he talks all sorts of crap about them. Which makes me think that he also does that to me. So anyways, it's been less than a year that we've been dating.
From the beginning he said he wanted to get married to me, he constantly confesses how much he is in love with me and how our relationship would never end unless I wanted it to. He says no matter what i do, he'd never get upset w/ me, but last night he did.
After I brought up the topic of him lying again, he got so mad he said he wanted nothing to do w/ me again. He admitted that he lies and said that he was sick of me bringing up this discussion.
So my question is do you think this break up was my fault? was he really in love with me like he said he was? Is it worth pursuing him & can I help him become a better person? If the break up is really over, should i give everything he's given me back to him?
From the beginning he said he wanted to get married to me, he constantly confesses how much he is in love with me and how our relationship would never end unless I wanted it to. He says no matter what i do, he'd never get upset w/ me, but last night he did.
After I brought up the topic of him lying again, he got so mad he said he wanted nothing to do w/ me again. He admitted that he lies and said that he was sick of me bringing up this discussion.
So my question is do you think this break up was my fault? was he really in love with me like he said he was? Is it worth pursuing him & can I help him become a better person? If the break up is really over, should i give everything he's given me back to him?

If that is the type of person he is and you don't like it, then move on. Regardless of fault on this argument or issue. If he is two faced and you can't learn to accept that he is, then move on now while you still can. A lot of people are two faced and it is pretty widely accepted especially by insecure people in this world. I can't deal with it either and it bothers me so I know where you are coming from. If it bothers you this much and you feel he may also do it to you then move on. 1 year is a bit of time but I am going through one of 7 years and it is a killer. Don't waste too much of your time unless you are absolutely positive you can overcome his actions in this regard. If not, move on because if he is defensive about it he isn't changing any time soon if ever.
Drew
Let me see if I have this straight. You have been dating this man for about 1 year. In that time you have observed him being deceitful of others. When confronted with this, his *excuse* is that "they do it him". No apologies or changes are made by him in word or deed. He assures you that he would never disrespect you. You want to believe him because he says so many wonderful things to you and of you in front of your face. But, there's a voice in your head that has seen his past action, and does not believe him.
You have confronted him about this issue because it is a character trait you find flaw with. Basically, you are saying, "I want you to change." He admitted that he does this and said that he was sick of you bringing up this discussion. Basically, he's saying, "I'm not going to change." I don't think the break up was either of your fault. Neither of you was willing to compromise. Problem is, neither of you should have to. You cannot make him change and he shouldn't have to.
Here's a clue: His excuse for deceitfulness and his statement that your relationship would never end unless you wanted it to sounds a bit like manipulation to me. If anything happens, it's never his fault. I bet you can find other ways he plays the victim card if you think about it.
Did/Does he love you? Quite possibly. Was/Is he IN love with you? Pretty hard to imagine after only 1 year. "In love" kicks in after the hormones wear off. It is wanting to be with someone in spite of things, not because of things.
The relationship is not worth pursuing if you're in it to help him become a better person (your words). Only he can do that. You can only work on becoming a better person yourself.
If the relationship is over, and you have to decide that, give him back the things he has given you. At best, you will not have mementos around that will make you regret your decision. At worst, he won't have an excuse to bother you to return them. And if my third paragraph is true, he will play you for all it is worth.
Mimiche