i cant believe all this

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
i cant believe all this
8
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:18pm

well long story short...the guy and i broke up back in the fall, have been friends ever since, even though i have been wanting to be more than friends the whole entire time. during the whole entire time he had an ex who was always wanting him back and stuff, and to this day he has the hardest time letting go of her...and its killing me!

a few weeks ago we hung out and had the best time ever...very flirtatious, almost kissed...it was amazing. i didnt want to get my hopes up or anything, but it def felt like he was somewhat coming around.

welll today he stopped by my work like he usually does, and i suggested to him that we should hang out this weekend, grab some food or something.

he ended up iming me a short while later, and told me that he didnt think it was a good idea for us to hang out bc of what happened last time when we hung out. his reasoning behind that was because he is trying to work on a friendship with his ex-gf who cheated on him like crazy when they dated and does nothing but lie and cheat on him, and that she doesnt trust him (yeah i found that funny of all people) and that she especially doesnt trust him with girls that he has a history with aka ME. and then he goes and tell me that what happened between us was fun but maybe not appropriate and that he didnt trust himself around me.

what the heck happened???

and he goes and tells me that i am one of his best friends and that if i could do him a favor and not be mad at him for not wanting to hang out with me so that he can fix his friendship with his ex who hates me.

GREAT

im sorry but i would never ask any of my friends not to talk to anyone or be like "hey you're one of my best friends but i cant hang out with you bc my stupid ex wont like it..."

im really hurting and upset right now, any advice or words of wisdom would be most welcome.

i have already said a few things earlier but i have so much on my mind and want to tell him everything...or at least letting him know how mad i am right now and that i am standing up for myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 3:08am

dance147...

It's tough to accept, but PG knows that if a man ISN'T COMPLETELY OVER SOMEONE...the new g/f (aka YOU) is gonna remain admired, but ignored!

Let him work out his problems (assuming he wants to)? However...you should make it clear that you won't be "waiting in the wings" indefinitely? Reassure him of your feelings, but emphasize the fact that you can't (and won't be) "the alternative woman" whenever he's having girlfriend problems!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:41am

thanks for your message. Well im not his girlfriend (i'd like to be...maybe right now I dont know about all that) and neither is his ex-gf (but obviously she hasnt let go since day 1).

i talked to him briefly right after i posted the first message last night, and he pretty much told me he made this decisision and i guess it also was a decision between him and her that in order for them to work on their trust issues, that she will stop hanging around with the guy she was messing around with (he doesnt want her hanging out with him, bc he doesnt trust him or her and that she lies) as long as he stays away from me. I was really hurt and offended by that. And obviously from his words that because they have known each other for several years now and that he and i have only known each other a little over a year, that she comes first.

i asked him if really taking a step back from me will really make them friends again, and he said i hope so. and im like geee thanks. You obviously do not value this friendship with me, and i am not a disposable friend. This guy has some major issues.

And pretty much what it seems like to me, that say even if they do become friends again, she will always have a problem with me being friends as well and will always raise a stink. She has cheated and lied to him soo many times and when i brought that up, he said that doesnt mean that we cant be friends...ummm YES IT DOES. I would not want a friend who lies and decieves me.

And he didnt say how long "a little while" is going to be in terms of us not hanging out, but he said we can talk though....ohh yay thank you so much for letting that happen. And i asked him if he was doing all this to get back with her, and he said no not at all. But that taking some distance is because of jealousy. She is very jealous of me, and doesnt want me around him. Sounds like something from this summer when she took a job nearby him so she could be near him all summer long and didnt want him and i to be together so she made him make a deal with him about neither of them seeing anyone to not make things complicated. Gosh I see where he really took my feelings into stride there.

But no I dont want to talk to him, he doesnt deserve the priviledge to talk to me if he cant hang out with me. Thats like treating me like a little puppy, kicking me around, playing with me when he is bored. I dont deserve that.

It just really hurts that he is making her such a priority in his life and really pretty much in my eyes throwing our friendship away (even though he says that he isnt, but action speaks louder than words).

This all seems like a really bad dream that I cant wake up from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:50am
Move on a find other people to hang out. I know you like him but you don't need him. If he really cared about you like he says he does he wouldn't be ditching you. It seems to me all he cares about is himself and his own needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:12pm

hi dance

great idea!!! yes! you should stand up for your self.. he treated you as a fool without knowing it right...it seems that his playing games now. how could you be flirting w/ someone and nxt thing you know...he regret doing it...CRAZY!

AT FIRST IF HE THINK THAT YOU GUYS ARE "ONLY FRIEND"...HE WONT FLIRT BACK TO YOU AND AT THAT POINT HE WILL STOP IT...COZ HE WILL RESPECT YOUR FRIENDSHIP...BUT WHAT HAPPEN IS HIS TOO CONFUSED TO ADMIT THAT HE LIKE FLIRTING BACK...

ANYWAYS YOU DONT NEED THIS GUY..I KNOW ITS VERY HARD. SOMETIME THE PERSON THAT WE WANT TO BE WITH IS THE PERSON DONT WANT TO BE WITH US...SEE THAT LIFE IS CRAZY ISN'T...IT VERY UNFAIR RIGHT?..

WELL AT THIS POINT I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS ANGER...BUT BESIDE YOUR HEART STILL WANTS HIM..BUT DONT WORRY JUST LET YOUR ANGER OUT SO THE PAIN THAT YOU FEEL WILL GO AWAY TOO.

I REALLY WISH YOU GOOD LUCK AND HAVE TRUST TO GOD...."IN EACH SITUATION, WE DO WHAT WE CAN AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO GOD".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:23pm

thanks everyone for your messages...im completely done with him. I have never been so hurt in my entire life. Today I have pretty much been in shock--like this is a bad dream that I cant wake up from. He is hanging out by himself right now, and I dont feel any pity for him, its kinda like you know you could be hanging out with me right now but because you are a big jerk and are selfish...so no you cant.

I hope I can be strong and keep this mindset up. I dont want to be walked over again, and I am tired of being treated like this. I never expected him to be so cruel to me.

My mom says to give him time, that maybe he will come around, let him stew a little bit. But I really dont even want to give him the chance for that, bc he has seriously burned this bridge with me.

Thanks for your help again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:56am
THATS TRUE "MOM KNOWS BETTER"...GOOD LUCK
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:49am
hey you i am definitely in your shoes and wow so what did you do? i put up a post i don't know if u read it but i need to know...what did u do because i feel like im going nuts. i am so confused and feel like im also in a bad dream where i can't believe this is happening. i don'tknow so much about him coming back and that scares me too cuz it's like wow not even a fight on his part. let me know!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:57pm

hey fyi i posted on your posting as well haha..

well so far this is what i have done, i have completed deleted him from my cell phone so i cant get the urge to call or text. i also have gone so far as to delete all of the saved ims from our conversations since last year (that was probably the hardest part). im not going to block him on aim, but just not going to talk to him. we havent done much talking for fun anyway, its been me being upset with him and him not seeing why i am so angry with him and his decision.'

i still think about him everyday but last night i found out that he had slept with his ex the last time she was here and i was completely shocked by it. so unfortunaately i had a really hard time trying to sleep last night needless to say.

but thats what i have been trying to do, keeping myself busy, going to the gym, praying a lot, reading, just trying to keep my mind going so i cant think about him.

wat have you done?