I can't believe I've come to this
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| Mon, 03-05-2007 - 9:44am |
I'm so angry at myself! I'm too old to be this stupid! Almost a year ago, I fell in love with a man, we'll call him John, who was different from any other man I had ever dated. We seemed to be headed into bliss, then he changed. Another woman somehow came into the picture, and he started lying, not answering his phone, etc. The worst thing was, he lives close to me, so I could see that her car was there, and my friend who lives even closer, saw them socializing, going out together, whatever. He made all sorts of excuses for this behavior, and I tried hard to believe him, but it finally came to an end, and the end was not pretty.
So we were done. I finally went to him and asked if we could be friends, but he didn't want to, because he was already involved with someone else (a month after we broke up..not the woman who he was cheating with). This woman moved into his house for several months, then just as suddenly, disappeared.
He called me recently and wanted to talk, promised me the world, said that he had a "situation" with the first woman that he had to get out of before we could be totally together, and that if I would give him a month, he would be out of it. Within the first 72 hours, he was again lying, breaking promises, etc., so I told him I didn't want to work it out, because he is narcissistic, and I don't have to deal with that. I haven't talked to him since.
So I was a fool, not once, but twice. I shouldn't have ever talked to him again after the first time, because the dye was set, and I knew what he was. I mean, this man is so self-centered that the only picture of a human being he has in his house is one of himself!
I don't know what it is about him, but I can't get him out of my head. Maybe a sick need to feel like I can change him, to prove that he really loved me so that I won't feel so stupid and so used? I fight the urge to go find him and try to talk to him every day. I've been fighting that urge every day since the day we first broke up. For a long time, I cried and begged God to send him back to me. Be careful what you pray for! LOL
I have dated other men since then, but with all of them, I ended up just thinking of him the whole time. I feel like I've lost my mind!
Time should be healing this, but it isn't. I was planning on moving out of state, and that would probably be the best thing to do, since then, I would be able to not have to see him or his house ever again, and not know what is going on with him.
Right now, I just need someone to tell me I'm not insane, and that this too will pass. HELP!

jaded100...
Pianoguy thinks you're a "classic case" of a woman who has put all her faith, dreams and money on one horse.....err.....man!
Not a good thing for several reasons:
1. You'll constantly make comparisons between "JOHN" and every other man you choose to date!
2. You won't move forward! Instead...you'll stay locked in your present position until John "takes you back"---which doesn't seem very likely.
3. Qui fabricator fabricatoris....which is latin for "he who lies is a liar!"
As long as you continue to communicate with JOHN on any level...expect more of the same type of behavior. HAVE I MADE MY POINT?
Pianoguy
There's a lot of everything goin on in your post, so I'm going to take this a bit at a time, and ask a few questions before really getting down to the nitty-gritty.
1.
Hi jaded100 and welcome to the board.
Well, I started to answer all the questions, but when I looked at the answers, I felt like even more of a fool. I thought I was being so smart taking a long time after my four year relationship before I started dating, but I guess I wasn't.
As far as him being a narcissist, I'm sure he actually has NPD. The only picture of any human being in his house is of himself. He doesn't have pets. It's always what is good for him, nobody else, unless he thinks this person can be of benefit to him in the future. Guess he didn't see any benefit in having me around. Nothing he couldn't get from someone else.
I wanted to be friends with him, because I hate being enemies with anyone. When I say "friends", I really mean on good terms, where we weren't skulking around, afraid to see each other in public.
Anyway, I want it to be over, and I am going to stay away from him for good, but it's just so damned hard. I never have had it this hard getting over anyone. I really do think I need to move to another state, or at least another town, and get away from him. Living right down the street is just too close for comfort.
Jaded,
This "...Guess he didn't see any benefit in having me around." is so true.