I cant cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
I cant cope
6
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:48am

Yesterday my fiance broke up with me.


About a week ago i had decided to go on a break, thinking i wanted it, but two days into it i realized that i didnt want one anymore, so i called him up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 2:34am
mellyissa
my heart goes out to u and im sure many others, the first night is always the hardest im sure no one even wants to think or remember the pain, but remember there is hope all the people on here made it through the first night then the second and slowly began to find ways to cope and put themselves back together, you can make it, try to listen to some music or watch a comedy (not a romantic one) talk to friends and family, try to get you mind off of it for a little. and remember to take it day by day, hour by hour...dont try to think of the whole process it will drive you crazy.
I wish you all the strength in the world
stay encouraged ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 8:52am

Melissa...

First....Pianoguy would like you to take a DEEP BREATH.....and let the air out very, very slowly. This will help you to 'clear your head' before you read the rest of his words.

Let's retrace things a little...if you don't mind?

You were the person who initiated the break....correct? Of course...2 days after the fact, you wanted to uninitiate (?) everything and return to what you previously had!

But what you failed to realize was that your fiance had those 2 days to consider where your relationship was headed...and chose to "bail out of it!" Technically...you gave him permission to do this because you wanted to SORT YOUR FEELINGS OUT?

While I certainly won't try to talk you out of your sadness....because it'll take at least a few weeks to recover...please consider this.

YOU have a terrific ivillage profile (I know cuz I referenced it before writing this) and the qualities and interests that you have...are ALSO QUALITIES AND INTERESTS that members of the opposite sex desire. What you might want to do (once you get over some of the emotional issues....AND YOU WILL)....is try to focus on what you HONESTLY WANT! Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also be HELL! Both halves of a couple need to learn the meaning of the words: Compromise, Tolerate, and Forgive. .

Look at yourself, your habits and where you might correct a flaw or two? Now if you have no negatives at all (and I've yet to find a woman or a man who doesn't have at least one or two)....then start looking at life from where you are at the present time. Disregard all your wishes for a husband, kiddoes, the 4-bedroom house, etc. Look at where YOU are NOW!

After which...set a goal for yourself. If it's to be married....take into consideration that COMPROMISE, TOLERANCE and FORGIVENESS will have to be part of your routine every single day. Because unless both halves of a couple can HONESTLY believe in and practice these traits during their marriage.....they're basically co-habitating.

And if you ask any ivillager who has been in this type of arrangement (including myself), cohabitation doesn't even come close to resembling a marriage!

You're gonna get past this....but the first steps to do so have to begin with YOU!

Best wishes, warm thoughts, and good luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:14am

Hi Melissa - I know EXACTLY what you're going through and I can even relate to the comment about not killing yourself but wanting to die. It feels like the ony way to escape the pain. I've read that this pain is the worst pain a human can feel. And after going through my break-up recently I TRULY believe it. This board was so helpful in getting me through the first few weeks which were really tough. I still have bad days 2 mos. later but am definitely doing better than those first few days. You have to believe what everyone on the board says, IT WILL GET BETTER. I heard a quote in a movie yesterday that when a plant has one of it's stems cut off it actually makes the plant stronger...I related to a break-up, because though it hurts when the "stem is cut" we really are stronger after because we begin to see that if we can survive this, we're ready to take on the world! There are so many wise people that post here that have been so helpful so post as much as you need and we'll all be here for you! Hugs and comfort....

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 7:51am
Hi hon, how are you? I know exactally what you are going through I am just beside myself because I found out my boyfriend of 2 years that I lived with at one time had been seeing someone else. I heard the rumors but he always denied them. Well he confirmed that they are a couple he is 30, she 18 and he is getting deployed to Iraq. I am disgusted because he always promised me that he would never do this. Please contact me I would be glad to hear from you -Beth href='http://www.elizabethnichole4682@yahoo.com' www.elizabethnichole4682@yahoo.comtarget='_blank'>www.elizabethnichole4682@yahoo.com>
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:31am

Melissa- I'm sorry for the pain you're going through right now. It's been a little over a week for me to and sometimes I just wanna scream. I was curious about one thing you mentioned. Why did you want to take a break from your guy? If you don't mind me asking. Maybe everything wasn't quite right with the two of you and you wanted to break up but you're afraid of being alone.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: mellyissa
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 6:39pm
I know I'm a bit late on this response...and for that I'm sorry...things have been really hectic lately with us closing on our house tomorrow but I really wanted to respond to you anyway....even though I am late.
How are you holding up?
First of all, I'm sooo sorry to hear about your break-up...I know you must be devastated, as anybody would be in your situation.
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