I can't get over it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
I can't get over it
16
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:28am

Hi everyone

My boyfriend broke up with me last week. We were together for 6 years, and the only reason he can give me is that he doesn't think we are right. Why drag it on for 6 years?

I am devastated. I really don't no what to do, he was my life, the best thing that ever happened to me and now he's gone.
I feel so alone and depressed, the lowest I have ever felt. Everything has a memory, from what I eat to what I watch on tv.

I don't no how I can get through this, I can't see anything positive. I can't eat, I can't sleep properly. I can't see myself ever getting over it.
Everyone keeps saying how I'll get over it and that there are plenty more fish in the sea. I don't want another fish, I want this one. I really don't beleive I will ever be happy again.

I've broke every rule by contacting him to try to make him change his mind. But this really is it and I can't accept it. I can see myself being unhappy forever.

I really thought he was the one, and what if he was the one but I wasn't for him?

Help me I don't no what to do to get over this

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:22pm

Welcome to the board ldf_26 -


After a 6 yr relationship, no one would expect you to be 'over it' in a week's time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:26pm

Idf_26...

itwinflame gave you some terrific suggestions. Pianoguy would like to add a few more.

6 years is a long time to make ANYBODY your entire life. I'm not suggesting that the possibility of having one partner to love, cherish and care for is an impossibility. BUT if you build your entire life around someone else...this prohibits your ability to "grow as a person" and "discover new things about yourself!"

Suggestion:

If you've contacted the EX more than twice....STOP THIS NOW! Simply because he isn't going to change his mind or respond the way you want him to! Life shouldn't be wasted being devoted to a person "who doesn't give a damn about you or your feelings!"

There's no ivillage profile on you...BUT...if you want to talk to me directly, click on the Pianoguy profile and send me an email. As most ivillagers know by now, I do my best to answer everybody who writes me! My responses might not be EXACTLY WHAT YOU WISH TO HEAR...but they're 100% HONEST!

And maybe a little honesty from an outsider (who doesn't know you) will help you get past the disappointment you're currently experiencing?

If you need to talk...I'm here for you! In the meantime...please accept a HUG! You definitely need a few!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:59pm
ugh! i'm right there with you. it's bad enough when they break up, but when they don't give a reason that seems like a REAL reason, it's even harder to let go. my guy just broke up with me last week. a month ago, we were planing a wedding. i don't know why they do complete 180s, or why it seems they're jerking us around. what i DO know is that, in the long run, we ARE better off without them. the best advice i can give you is to stop contacting him (i know it's hard). he's not going to change his mind. and if he does, it'll be because he had distance and time to really think about things, not because you changed it for him. every time you think of contacting him, think about how you felt the last time you did. did it make you feel better? did it make you feel hopeful about your future with him? did he say the things you wanted him to? my guess is, no. just take it one day at a time. all you have to worry about right now is getting to work, eating, sleeping, and breathing. that's it. if you focus on the day-to-day or minute-by-minute, you realize, over time, you've started to heal. hang in there and make sure you're taking care of yourself. you will get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 7:23pm

ldf trust me I'm right there with you. My ex and I b/u 2 mths ago and I was devastated. We met online 7 yrs ago and just talked for 2 over the phone, we lived in different states. After 2 yrs we decided it was time to meet so I flew to his house for New Years. 11 mths later I moved in with him. He was great, everything I always wanted (good looking, great shape, funny, sarcastic to match me, fun, everyone loved him etc) Hind sight being 20/20 I wish I never moved b/c once I got here it wasn't the same.

I had a feeling that it wouldn't last forever but I was hoping that we could make it work. Out of the blue he decided he didn't want a g/f and I was left standing there picking my jaw up off the floor with tears flooding my face. I could barely breath and didn't eat. The worst part--he did it over the phone when he was visiting friends 2 hrs away b/c Christmas and New Years, then didn't talk to me for 5 days. Imagine how uncomfortable that was when he came home to the apt we share. UGH!

Needless to say I have my good days and my bad days. I cried my eyes out for the entire New Years weekend and on and off that next week. Thank god for my friends at work. They huddled around me so that the entire office didn't see my breakdown. They even made me smile and I didn't think that could happen.

We've all been thru b/u before and think that life is over, I've had my fair share at 34 yrs old but this one is different b/c I truely put all I had into it and wanted it SO bad. I actually am looking to move back to NY and have 2 interviews Tues but am sooo incredibly afraid that when I go that'll be it forever and we'll never talk again. Like you, he was my life and sad to say my life revolved around him (that was a huge mistake). We barely speak and he's the one who calls me. In 2 mths I think I've called him 3x (not including the New Years weekend when I admit I was psycho girl and called a zillion times) I just told him over the phone a minute ago about my interviews and he didn't even flinch. He was like "good, I hope they work out for you. Good luck and let me know how they go." I just wish that he'd care and I hope that once I do leave that he regrets every bit of it... even though I know he won't... a girl and always hope right.

I agree with what everyone says on here about no contact---it's for the best!
It's hard and it sucks but take it from someone who knows, experience has proven to me that after we talk, even if he's called me, I feel worse than I did before. I just want to know he still cares and thinks of me but then I think, how can he forget me, he's spent the last 5 yrs with me right? I don't know if I belive that but I keep telling myself that.

It does get better, not a whole lot real quickly, but we can't expect to be great and over it with the snap of our fingers either. These people were a huge part of our lives for soooo long and it hurts when all of the sudden they are not there anymore to share even our stupid life experiences with. My goal is to just learn how to be with me, smile even if I don't want to and believe me there are many times I don't want to, and to find things that I like to do (I don't know what I like to do anymore so this could be interesting).

Hugs to you ldf and just know that you are not alone and it does help to come and vent here knowing that we are all going thru similiar experiences and at different stages. It's like have on-line counselors :~)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:28pm

Grief is a process. There are phases (not stages as is often said). You float in and out of the phases but eventually it gets better. Just do the grief work. You will heal and find better days ahead and eventually your one true love.

HUGS

Susan




"Success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others."


GettingPastYourPast - The Blog!

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 11:45am

I continue to be so surprised at the number of women who have gone through the magic-finger-snap dumping by men...that all of a sudden it's just "poof" and gone. I'm here with you...my ex and I were together for a few years and lived about 45 minutes apart. I found a teaching job and moved in with him only to be dumped 13 days afterwards because he just "couldn't" do it anymore. But mine had a reason which I discovered two days later...he was cheating for 7 months...the whole time we were looking for places to live, buying "stuff" for "our" house, etc. He wanted to take time to "figure things out" which I abruptly ended after a week...and I kicked him out. I just couldn't take it and knew I wouldn't get over the hurt. This all happened two months ago.

So anyway, there are a few things that have helped me and are helping me...

1. I have a calendar on my fridge that I put an "X" over every day I haven't talked to him. I'm so proud it's been almost 3 weeks. That sounds silly but it helps.
2. I changed the welcome msg on my cell phone (the display when you look at it) to read...
he doesn't want you to call.
3. I read this book called "It's called a breakup because it's broken". Seriously you should get it immediately. It's an easy read and funny but also really really helped. It's not one of "those" self-help books...the title in fact is written on the cover of a pint of ice cream.

What has helped me also to not contact him is this...what part of talking to him and looking for scraps of his attention is more important than making yourself feel whole again?

Good luck to you. I'm right here with you.

~Kelly~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 12:28pm
Hi Kelly, I just wanted to say - I LOVE what's helping you. Those Xs are great on a calendar.....and the display msg on your phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 12:46pm

Of course not! We're all in this together!

I should have added that at the end of a month I'm taking myself shopping to celebrate me!

~Kelly~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 3:07pm

Kelly--
You are so right! I have also read that same book and I really did enjoy it. Right now I'm reading "he's just not that into you" by the same author. It's good too but not as good as "it's called a break up b/c it's broken."

I think I might do the "x" on the calendar thing... that will show me progress.
It'll be a whole lot easier when I move back to my home town 7 hrs away. I know it will still be hard and torturing b/c I'm leaving everything that we've built together but on the other hand I can start fresh back with my family and not have all "our" stuff thrown back in my face as reminders.

That's funny that you mentioned the caller id on your phone. Mine has been changed a few times in the past 2 mths.
Mine were:Go Away
A--Hole
Not Worth It
Cheater (when I found out he was seeing someone already)
Forget Him
I'm back to Not Worth It


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 11:28am

haha...
I did the same with the Caller ID thing. Now I'm using "keep self-esteem ok!"

We haven't talked or seen each other for 2 and half months, but we still occationally send text msg, but I hate myself always being the one send the last msg. I do need keep my self-esteem and I wish I have the stength to not reply at all.

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