I cant stand myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
I cant stand myself
3
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 11:54pm
Im in a really really bad place right now. I have posted here before with the mess that I got myself into a few months ago. In a nutshell, I dated this guy who bassically lied to me from the beginning. That and I did not want to see the truth. He was still hanged up on a girl that didnt want him but decided to ask me out anyway. WE moved too fast and i ended up feeling like i was being used. When i comfronted him he bassically admitted that he felt like he was using me so later that day i broke up with him. He asked me to stay and promise to make an effort. Later that week he broke up with me, saying i had been right and we were better off going our separate ways. However, and this is the worst part, "separate" ways are hardly separate. We live next to each other and we literally have to work together every day, without an option to avoid each other. At first i tried to make it normal but he acted upset and sad. Ofcourse i took it as him regretting breaking up so i held onto hope that we could work things out. We've been from one extreme where he told me that he never really liked me to the other where he told me that he loved me but didnt want to hurt me (drunk ofcourse)
I have made up my mind to let it go once and for all, as I realized that he has moved on. Up to recently he acted like he still had feelings for me, but lately his whole attitude changed and it has "girl" written all over it. I unfortunately am far from over him and I hate knowing that he doesnt care for me or ever did. I hate the change in the way he looks at me and I just dont know how to move on, specially having to see him every day, I dont know how to deal with this.
Which brings me to my next part where i hate myself.
Im doing exactly the same thing he did. After the break up I started talking to an ex boyfriend of mine. He really loved me and so I knew that he would be there for me. I go out with him very often now, but i really dont want to date him again nor do i want him to get any ideas. I make sure to let him know that we're just friends, but i know he still hopes for more. I wont deny talking and hanging out with him is very comfortable, but i know Im gonna end up either going out with him again or hurting him and I dont want either one. Unfortunately its too late for not hurting him cuz if i say we cant talk anymore he'll wonder why in hell did i contacted him in the first place. I just really wish i could take back the past 9 months. They really have been hell
Any advice about how do i get over my ex who i see every day (i seriously have no option here, not where i work/live) and what can i do to not hurt my ex...im just a mess right now
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 11:07am

"i seriously have no option here, not where i work/live"

Really? Are you absolutely sure of that? Did you honestly strive to find different work/living options? Or did you let your missery and sadness, possibly your fantasized shreds of reconsiliation hope, take over a half hearted attempt and give up quickly?

I ask because there are ALWAYS options. If there's not a transfer opening in your work, there's other work. There are other places to live, if you choose to venture out of your comfort zone and consider relocating. If you really, Really, REALLY want to, you can find a way to get away. You can do it, even though the thought of it seems scary and impossible, you truly are stronger and more resiliant than you think you are. Imagine the sence of accomplishment and esteem you'll gain having totally taken control of your life and destiny!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 3:37pm
Yes, i really dont have an option. The job i have is part of a program that pays for tuition of my school. If i drop that job I have to drop out of school since i have no financial aid. Housing is also part of the program,as in we, the workers, called student workers, have to live and work together (think the real world kind of thing) I know it was really stupid of me to get involve with someone in an environment like that, knowing fully well that if things didnt work out I had to live and work with him 24/7, but i figured that taking things maturely, even if they didnt work, would have avoid a lot of the things people warned me about. Ofcourse i was wrong.
Yeah i wish it was so easy as to say ill move out, and change jobs but its not, thats why Im having so much trouble with this.
And then the top it all off, last night i made out with my ex. Im just digging myself into deeper mess, and really, i hve no idea how to get out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:07pm
Be civil to him when you do see him but don't go out of your way to be around him...the less time you're around him...the easier it will be to not get involved again.
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