I can't stop crying

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
I can't stop crying
5
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:09am
So it's been 2 days that I haven't spoken to my ex bf. We broke up on saturday and he was supposed to drop off my cell phone on monday. Well, on sunday we got into a fight, but then spoke again and cooled off. He called me on monday morning at work, and I kind of brushed him off both times that he called. The next day, he called while I was on lunch, and I told the girl to tell him if he called that I wasn't at work. He ended up calling while I was on lunch, and then when I was at home after work, but I didn't pick it up. He hasn't called since. He's leaving for Ottawa today for a hockey tournament and it just hurts me so much that he didn't even try calling yesterday. I know I shouldn't expect him to call but I still do. All I can think about is him, and wonder if he's talking to anyone else. I miss him so much, and it's just hard not to talk to him even though all we did was fight. How do I get rid of this empty feeling? I tried to go out last night with a friend, and I couldn't even think of other guys. As much as I know the relationship was bad, I still miss him. And I can't help but wonder if he'll ever try to call me again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:36am

Look - if you didn't get your phone back - write it off as a loss - and CANCEL THAT PHONE NUMBER AND CALL PLAN!

Then realize - you're talking about someone who uses drugs to escape self-negativity and real life.

I know, i know....you were trying to save him from himself, you were the best thing that ever happened to him and you don't know why he didn't appreciate you.....all screams GET TO AL-ANON - you're an enabler and you're never going to be "happy" unless you're enmeshed in self-destructive chaos trying to "save someone from themselves -- so that you'll have identity and security and a "goal"".

Take it from someone 8 years in recovery....there is no way that anybody can like, love, appreciate, respect, admire, trust, or accept you - more than they do that for themselves at the fundamental level. Anybody using drugs to escape themselves - loathes, resents, fears, and despises themselves and they use relationship interaction like drugs - a quick pick me up ego boost so that "I like myself etter termporarily via your attention and options i get as a result of affiliation".

If you don't get to Al-Anon and resolve your lack of self-esteem and self-acceptance....that is the ONLY type of relationships you're ever going to have. It'll be people who loathe themselves and you - using the benefits and options that you offer them to temporarily alleviate their self-negativity - at your expense.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:40pm
Sweetie, nobody expects you to be over him yet, and nobody expects you to be able to think of other guys just yet....it's too early for that....you're feelings for your ex are too strong right now. What you're feeling is normal and in time, it will pass. I think it's good you went out but don't expect yourself to be able to just jump into another relationship yet....it's not very realistic. Congrats on not talking to your ex in 2 days that's a big step....keep it up.....in my experience the more you talk to your ex....the harder it is to get over them. Try and stay busy....post when you need to...we're all here to help the best we can!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:26pm
The last thing on my mind is another relationship. What I miss the most is talking to him, hearing the phone ring and picking it up and hearing his voice. The last I spoke to him was on monday when he called, with no mention of dropping off my cell phone. He just called to say hi. He called again right before I went to lunch and I told him to call back, which he didn't. The next day he called while I was on lunch, but I told one of my co-workers to tell him I wasn't there. He called again when I was at home but I didn't answer. It took all the strength in me to do that, but he hasn't called since. That hurts! Will he never call again? Is this really over forever? I just wonder how he could not care to pick up the phone. I did everything for him, and I never gave him reason to hate me. Now I'm the one left with an empty hole in my heart, and I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:53pm

I completely agree with quickblade. Please get some help.
You will be ok if you want to be ok.

God Bless!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:29am

Well, I went to see a psychotherapist referred to me by my doctor. It felt a little better to have an unbiased opinion from someone who's completely on the outside. It's still hard whenever I'm alone with my own thoughts running through my mind.

I also went to go pick up my cell phone from his house last night. He was gone in Ottawa for the weekend, so I went over to pick it up from his sister. It was really hard being in the house, everything reminding me of him. We talked for a while, and she's always been on my side because she knows her brother is a little unstable.