I caved.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
I caved.........
4
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 8:07am

I made a mistake and made contact after a long bout of not talking to her.... or emailing, i am not even sure how long its been, but I am starting a new job today and its got me kinda scare, new environment , new procedures, government contracted.... I had to send her a note , hoping my rock could be there.... as i have not come to face, she was not.... i was doing so good to.......

why does this happen?

me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 8:35am

My counselor told me that when we are scared we often fall back on old behaviors and coping mechanisms. We may have been putting in place more helpful ones, but we have years of familiarity with the old ways behind us, and those can trigger in times of intense stress. Keep practicing no contact and new ways of getting support.

Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 10:28am
I like what your counsellor said. I was home all holiday weekend feeling sad and thinking about all the good things, and forgetting all the horrible things he did to me. I have a job interview coming up so was feeling scared about that, so I suppose I was thinking about what gives me comfort. I thought about when I felt good with him. Now that I know it's natural, I don't feel so much like a crazy person. Breaking up and moving on is so very hard. It's been almost 6 months, and I expected to not be thinking about him so much now, but the past few days it's been constantly on my mind, what he did, how he cheated and how he lied and how he treated me after I left him. I can't wait for the day when I don't think about him at all!
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 5:57pm
thank you very much, i will try and keep it up... sigh.... i have never been like this before..... it confuses me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 8:40pm

....."I had to send her a note , hoping my rock could be there....".....

It's all right there, actually. She used to be the one to calm you or help calm you, and now she's not that anymore. It's really helpful and empowering to learn that the best person to truly count on for reassurance is yourself; other people can add to it, but they can only add, they cannot be the sole source because as you found out, one day they may not be able to respond they way you need in the moment.

Good luck in the new job!

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