I Caved - Need Help NOW
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| Tue, 08-16-2005 - 8:42am |
Hi all,
Well, I screwed up. Please, before I tell the story and everyone all says this at once, I know I need professional help and i've already started the process of seeking it out. I'm just here for support for now. Anyway, I dont know if anyone here has an addictive personality towards people or can't seem to let ended relationships go, but I do. It's been that way for years. I thought I was better, but last night I learned that i'm not. I emailed scott from work. Got no answer. Then, by some odd chance, I was turning down my block from work going home and he was turning onto the main road from the 7-11. Seeing him made things worse and I tried his cell. No answer. Then the obsessive mode kicked in. I turned around and went around the corner to his house. Rang the bell. No answer. I went home. I tried to call his house, no answer. I must've called about 20 times. That night I tried again and went back and rang the bell again. No answer to anything. I know he got my cell messages. It's such a horrible powerless feeling that this disease has over me. It's like I know I shouldn't be doing these things, but yet something uncontrollable comes over me and I do them anyway. I don't know what to do. Now not only do I feel like an idiot, but I know I have a problem and I have this addiction that I feel that i'll never kick. I have a headache still today because I cried my eyes out last night when I finally got home. Again, I know this is bad and over the top, and I am going to get help, I just wanted to see if anyone had any experience with this, heard of it, or had any words of wisdom for me.
Thanks
Jacki

Jacki,
I had a similar experience with my ex of 3 years. I realize now that the main reason I basically stalked him was because I was wanting answers from him. Why was he treating me this way, what had changed, what had happened, did he still care maybe a little bit.
The thing is, looking back I realize that we could have talked for hours and it would have made no difference. I didn't trust him, which is why I tailed him or called him constantly. He could have said anything and I wouldn't have believed it. It took him hanging up the phone on me 5 times in a row for me to get so pissed off to not keep putting myself through it.
Think of it this way, as hard as it is if he isn't responding to your efforts to communicate with him, he likely knows that he has nothing to say to put you at ease. I know it is frustrating, but you have to find strength somehow. For me, every time I wanted to go after him I went to the gym and lifted weights or ran. It would also be good to call a friend INSTEAD of him!
Good luck
What now?? Check out the email message I JUST got from him... This means he doesn't know about all the stupid things I did last night...
Jacki
I got your message. I am working nights in NYC this week.
Yes, you saw me turning around after going to the gym. I then had to go
to work. I'm on a strange schedule this week. Let's give this some more
time and I promise to call you towards the end of the month. I hope your
job is going well. Regards, Scott
What do I do now?