I could really use some advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2011
I could really use some advice..
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 9:22pm

Alright, so back in september I started dating this guy. I had known him for a year at this point. His girlfriend was a friend (And by friend, I dont mean we were really really close or anything, but we were friends) Well him and his girlfirned broke up and Him and i became close and ended up dating.. We were only together about a month or so, then he said that it wasn't me it was him and that he wasn't 100% in the relationship and he didn't think it was fair to me. We didn't talk for months, and then we started talking and became friends again. and recently he started spending every night at my house hanging out and when I say everynight i mean everynight, for like three weeks. All the while he

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:48am

irishcarbomb, read your own post here. Look at what you were doing to yourself. Why would you want to go back to that? What pain would it really ease? You cut off contact with him for a good reason... Because it's less painful than being walked all over and used.

He has nothing to offer you, is dating other people, and using you as a make-out buddy. You were feeding off his table scraps for three weeks and you were finally able to stand up for yourself.

You have chemistry. SO WHAT? Could you stop for a moment to think about the fact that it's possible (and probable, at some point in everyone's life) to have chemistry with a person who is entirely wrong for you?

You can't continue being friends with someone you have feelings for and who uses you. You may think of this as an "amazing friendship" but I think it would be delusional to think that you can continue a platonic friendship under these circumstances.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 3:31pm
You are absolutely doing the right thing to cut off thigs for a while. Your meotions needs a break from this.

I'd stay away from him for a good while, because all he did was take advantage of your willingness in this situation. You may not want to see it that way because he's "such a good friend" but your friend used you for his own needs/pleasure. I don't think he did it maliciously, I think he simply didn't think about how it would affect you when he was encouraging/doing all this stuff *to make himself feel good* He was being a little selfish.

Of course there's always two to tango and you allowed this, too, but you were coming at it from the view that you liked him and wanted more, whereas it's fairly obvious he really did not and still doesn't.

So, stay away from him for a while. He doesn't want to be with you and what you're really missing is the closeness you can't have anymore, not so much his platonic friendship right now. Take care of you.

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