I could use some support...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
I could use some support...
10
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 8:20am

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago after being together for 10 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 10:51am

Dear discovery07,


I'd have to say you are very lucky to have the upper hand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 10:58am

At about the 8-10 months mark is when the true person starts showing. IMO the majority of the time that is way too early to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. There are exceptions though.

It's hard but you need to heal yourself and concentrate on yourself right now. Find things that make you happy, do good things for yourself, make you the best you can be. If you are continuing to find guys that "love" you within a few days or dates (which would make me run the other way) the common denominator in that is YOU. Take time for yourself and figure out why you attract those kinds of guys, and if it is something you need to fix with yourself then do that. You need to be a whole, happy, healthy person with yourself to attract the same kind of people. You deserve someone that loves and respects you, but you have to do that for yourself first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:07am

I'm sorry you're going through this too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:11am
Thanks for your post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:35am

Well hon, seems like you know what you need to work on and fix. It's just a matter of doing it....But the only one that can change that is you. And you can change it, been there done that.

**The only place I know I need to improve is on the thought of not letting all my boyfriend's interests become my own. I lose myself when in relationships. **

Get your own interests and don't give them up, if they make you happy. You need interests outside of any relationship you are in. I was in your shoes once long ago( goes back to self-esteem), but I have changed things about myself and I will not give up myself or interests for anyone. Don't make someone your everything, you need to be your own person, and do your own thing sometimes. A relationship should compliment your life, not complete it. You can do it girl, just takes a little work, but it is well worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:39am
How did you figure out what your interests are?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:18pm

I just tried different things, and found things I like to do. I took a couple of dance classes, even enrolled in a community college and took a couple courses. Doing things with my friends and family.

You like to exercise, how bout taking a self defense course, try a new type of exercise, judo, karate, lifting weights.

Is there anything you have always wanted to try and haven't? Ever thought about doing something for charity? Take up a hobby. Have you ever wanted to learn a certain dance (tango, salsa, ballroom, belly dancing) Horseback riding, volleyball, bowling etc... there are so many things out there to try. Start looking in your local paper for events going on around town, if you see something that looks like fun try it. See if there is a Meetup.org in your area, I found one here and its fun, we meet at different place 1 or 2 times a month, have dinner, talk, its like a girls night out. The more you experience different things the better you will know what interests you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:47pm

Hi discovery07,


You got some good ideas on interests...I just wanted to add when I was

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:47pm
Thank you so much for your ideas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:53pm

Carrie,


Thanks for your thoughts.