I DID IT...
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| Sun, 07-09-2006 - 2:35pm |
About two weeks ago i posted asking for advice. Brief synposis: 4 year+ relationship broken up unexpectedly long distance a month after i moved out east to pursue my studies which stunned me. We had lived together 4 months prior n i had left back things at his place as we were doing well n it wasn't a problem to do so n i still had some moving around to do. I had an opportunity to go get my stuff n see my ex for the first time since the breakup (about 4+ months back then) but my friend didn't go n i had to decide what i wanted to do!
SO I DID IT, I MADE UP MY MIND SAID I HAD TO DO THIS IF I DIDN'T DO IT NOW IT'LL NOT HAPPEN! I called him up the friday night (it had been a month of no contact) told him i wanted to know if he was around that weekend, coz i was coming to get my stuff then driving to see my family in the US (I'm in Canada as is he). I caught him off guard n he was like he'll put it in storage n i told him to cut the crap to just understand this was something i had to do n to just do it in person as it was part of my journey. He agreed.
The drive down (about 16) took a lil less n at times i was a bit emotional knowing this was it. Turns out i did it in one day n got there midnight saturday night. The hotels were all booked/overexpensive (close to $200) so i called him up to see if he can find me some numbers n he offered me to stay there. I told him thanks but no thanks but after 1am without finding somewhere i took up his offer and was glad i did. I just see it as things working out as how it was meant to be (friend not being able to go, deciding it do it alone, getting there without having to overnight, not finding a hotel in the city...i guess i believe in faith).
Things were nothing like what i expected. At first it was akward, coz i was mad at him, i was pissed at how he had acted since the breakup, the manner in which he had treated me always blaming me for things i didn't to, waiting for the conversation to take the wrong turn so he could say i told you so. So i was pissed at him, I was mad at me for not having somewhere to stay and tired from a long trip. But after an hour or so i asked him what i had to do for a hug n for the first time in months things were civil. He apoologised for hurting me, i for hurting him etc. We stayed up talking for a bit, I asked him to just be honest with me, i was mad but happy, and taken back by the emtions on both sides. The next day we had moments where we got into disputes but it was more or less a great time. I got to see him for the first time in months without him pretending to be the jerk he has been, to see him without his mask on, to know his true feelings (he even said me being there was like if i had never left because things just picked up where it left off). We went for supper b4 i left we we sat and talked about him n what was going on and about me and about nothing n everythign. And i told him this is all i'm asking for this friendship we have (as clique as it is we have something rare and i don't wnat to lose that and i told him if we can get over the bumps we can really be the best of friends) (we still both love each other that much is obvious, the reasons he is giving me for the breakup is diff from what i believe but its not something he wants to see yet and i know i cannot make him see things diff).
I told him he had to show me he was willing to try coz i can put my feeligns aside and work on thigns if he can. He said he would try coz he also missed what we had and he missed talking to me. I told him i'll not call he can call me if he wanted to know if i got back safely. One week and everything was ok. Two weeks later its back to the same sh*t with his attitude getting in the way.
But the thing was i did the trip it was someting i neede to do, when i left his place i wasn't sad or emotional, i felt somewhat comforted by the visit and had a renewed optimistic view of the situation. I really felt like i had accomplished something because he now knew how his actions had been hurting me (he had to deal with me there face to face, he should just shut me out), he knew how i felt, i knew how he really felt (as stupid as it sounds it was also good to know i ruffled his feathers, made him confused, doubtful; he lives in a world of pretense at the moment just indulging in work and not dealing with things) but in the end sometimes some people cannot live by their words, they think they need to be mean to overcome someone or someting when they are jaded (even when they make the choices). After two weeks iwth family i miss my life, i realised how much i let the breakup numb me unconsciously (i'm back to my small town to work on my research) and i'm glad i did what i did coz for a moment it bought me some closure and comfort. I do know for a fact now, the only enemy in my relationship was distance (and the things his parents have demanded of him, which he refuses to acknowledge) n distance would be the one thing that prevents S n I from trying to make our friendship work. Only time would really tell how it all pans out. Gut instincts keeps telling me all would be fine but at times i find it hard to believe, but i'll put my trust where it hasn't failed me n hope it doesn't.
Thanks all for suggestions n input this was just an update if anyone was interested. Sorry it was loong.

Congratulations! I am glad to hear you are happy with your decision to get your stuff and get some closure. It really is important to realize how confused the other person is. I always forget that and I think that's a bad thing. It's great that things kind of "worked out." I hope you guys do end up being friends after as much time it needs to take.
S.
Glad to hear you got your things and left feeling good about yourself.