I did it AGAIN!!! When will I learn?
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| Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:47pm |
I can't believe I slept with him AGAIN! When I know full well he doesn't want a relationship with me, and when I don't really want one with him either. I don't know why I did it... to prove I could still have him? He's been seeing this other girl, and though I had suspicions they had slept together I didn't find out for sure until I asked him the day after we were together. Thank goodness he used protection!!
I'm so frustrated with myself!! I was doing really really well with no contact. Then he called, needed help with his car, this new girl was out of town... I get there and he starts telling me how beautiful I look... next thing I know we're kissing. I stopped it, tried to leave, said it was a bad idea, I KNEW it was a horrible idea, but it felt SO good at the moment that I started kissing him again... and....
So we're back to no contact.
But I can't help but feel a little dirty, a little used and a LOT upset.
I'm so tired of hurting.

First off STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! I made the same mistakes with my ex. He was just using me and I put a stop to it. It left me an emotional wreck and he walked away fine, he also has a gf and I was losing my self respect b/c I broke up with him for cheating on me so I became no better than the ow and I am better than that.
You must continue no contact. I know its hard but we have no choice in the matter. Sleeping with them is not going to get us what we want. Just stay strong. I doing the no contact thing too, its very hard b/c we have a 2yr old son together but its necessary. Its been 3 months since I slept with him and that accomplishment feels great. You can do it.
Dear I did it Again,
Well I have to say that the only reason I can understand kinda where you are coming from is because I have been in the same situation as you, however, I was in the sopt where you boyfriend is. I broke up with my boyfriend, and he was devastated, he thought we were going to get married and everything, but I am young and commitment scared me. We had about no contact for two weeks and then after a night of drinking, I called him, and he gave in and we had sex. I know it's wrong to play with his emotions. He said that those few hours we spend together made him realize how much he still loved me and everything. It did not make me feel good and definately did not make him feel good either. I know that I was wrong in this situation because I used the fact that he was not over me to my advantage, I wanted to hook up with someone, and I knew he would be willing. I really and truly did feel very bad, and I am sure your ex did as well if he has any kind of heart. I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but after reading your post I will be sure not to "booty call" my ex, because I know that it can be a very hurtful thing.