I did it, and feel terrible
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| Tue, 07-05-2005 - 6:31pm |
Hi, I don't know if there is anyone on here that remembers me (it has been a long time since posted), but I finally did it and ended things. Unfortunately I did this over the pphone, as he has been visiting his family for the past couple of weeks and was going to come back and then we had plans to move away together to another place....and I realized how i didn't want to do this anymore. It was the most horrific experience I have ever been through, in all honesty. How do you continue to cope?
It was beyond awful-went from being angry at me and yelling (to which I hung up) to
calling me back 15 times so I picked up, then we went around for 3 hours.
He told me I was the most heartless person in the world, that he thought he
knew me, to telling me that I just broke his heart and stomped on it, to
saying that "i couldn't NOT move away with him because I had a committment
and that would be going back on my word" to begging me to at least "come to
and help him move, that at least we could talk about it in
person" to begging me, and probably some more things that I have left out. I
stayed pretty true to my word, he kept saying if I hung up this phone that I
would never see or hear from him again, that he'd delete my numbers and
emails if I ever tried to talk to him (*I
tried to ease the blow with a "serious break", which might have been a bad idea),
because he told me I was crazy to think this would work out.....I tried to
make it short and sweet at first, obviously that didn't work out, he kept
trying to convince me that I was making the most "ridiculous and worst
decision anyone has ever made", that how could I do this to him at this most
crucial time in his life.....I brought up everything, all his comments, his
lack of respect for me, etc. He told me he would definitely change, I told
him that we had been through this before and nothing had changed-he said that
it had never gotten to this point before and he swore he would change, that us moving away would be good for us and we would start a new life
and careers together.....
Anyway, I am rambling. When we finally hung up, he asked if I was going to think about it, and i said of course, this is the worst
thing I've ever been through, and he finally said, then, ok, we'll talk in a few
days? To which I said fine, bye. I can NOT go through that conversation all
over again, have him begging me again or who knows what tactic he will pull
next.....but my god, I wouldn't wish that experience on an ANYONE.
So, that was 4 days ago and I haven't heard from him. All of our stuff is in a storage unit together, I have the dog, etc. I don't know how i am going to see him and go through this. I tried to break it off on the phone b/c I was too scared to do it in person and i would probably get talked out of it. And then I finally got really sad and lonely last night, realizing how alone I was. This feeling is just awful, and the guilt is horrendous, that i am responsible for someone elses' sadness.
Advice?

1. how much he hated me.
2. how much he loved me and missed me.
3. how he would make things right, wanted commitment, engagement ring, and a baby.
4. how much of a bitch i was.
5. how he couldnt live without me.
All these were through an amount of time. But when he got me back when i started feeling sad again. I went back with him. It has been 3 years since, and our relationship has gotten worse, I started making plans to leave him, and now 2 weeks from moving to another city, im having 2nd thoughs, even though it is a bad realationship, i have to admit how much i love him. SO, my best advise is that now that you have made a decition stick to it. I wish I had that the first time, and now i wouldnt be going through it again. If you finally had the courage dont let go, because nothing will ever change. Do not talk to him, he will try anything to get what he wants, and of course he'll try to make you feel bad, by turning the tables he'll put the blame on you, so he wont have to feel bad about himself. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Even though it feels terrible, you did the right thing for you. You know better than to stay in a bad relationship. Your ex is probably trying to intimidate you with his anger and bitter words, and now he's "disapeared" for a while to see how you react. The first days and weeks will be painful, BUT remember why you decided to leave him. That will give you the strength you need to go on.
As for your stuff in the storage, get your own and leave his there. If he wants to talk to you he'll call you or e-mail you. In the mean time keep moving on and move if you have to. Start fresh and always look on the positive side. Learn from this bitter experience and go on. If he wants the dog then he'll have to pick it up on your conditions.
The positive side of what you did is that you're in control. He wants to be in control of your actions and thoughts (he's yelled at you and has disapeared), but by not calling him you, yourself, are in control.
Hello,
I do not completely blame him for being so mad and upset. You broke up with him over the phone. That isnt right and that should have been done FACE TO FACE. Is is NEVER right to break up with someone through email or phone call. He may have blown up at because of that.
~Lisa L
The phone is fine. Sometimes people become violent and the distance of the phone protects you. Sometimes the person is so shady and dodges you, that you have to do it on the phone because the person is hard to catch. There aren't really nevers and always, these things have to go on a case by case scenario.
To the poster, it is always hard in the begining, but does get better as time goes on, provided you do not keep having contact with him. Repeated contact can be like taking a bandage off slowly. Maybe you can take one of your friends with you to get your stuff out of storage. Better a bad breakup than years of a bad marriage.
It has been my experience that people only change when they want, too. It is better to find someone that already has the qualities you admire than to make someone who doesn't have those qualities change.
Just my two cents. I wish you well.