I did it (file for divorce)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
I did it (file for divorce)
6
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 9:21pm

and I am an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I am happy, the next I am crying. One minute I wonder where he is and the next minute think about how much I hate what he did. One minute I hate the OW and the next I feel sorry for her. I am calling my therapist tonight ....It has been an intense day and I have noticed that my face has

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:31pm

LIke you said, the heart doesn't just turn on and off. It's understandable that you still love him very much. Enough to try again. And he sounds like he botched it.

I can't foresee the future, but it seems like you did what was best for you. And I wish you the patience and strength to ride this out.

All the best

Susanna


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 12:16pm

Good for you. Sounds like the best thing under the circumstances. If you decide to go ahead with the divorce, though, I hope you'll make sure you're doing it for you and not to get a reaction out of him. Whether he shows respect for you or not (and so far he hasn't been) you have got to respect yourself. You've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of, so you owe it to yourself and your son to come out of this with your dignity intact. Your husband, however, is another matter, and he'll get his in due course. All the best to you in this difficult time.

Pix

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 9:50pm

Who do you love more, your husband or yourself? You give him chance after chance yet his actions have pretty much told you that he isn't interested in making your relationship work. I know that it is hard to walk away from someone, particularly when children are involved, but you have to ask yourself if you are willing to settle for so little.

I don't know him -- or you -- but I have a feeling that serving him with divorce papers isn't going to change his behavior.

The most important relationship that you will ever have in your life is with yourself. Maybe you should spend some time getting to know the fabulous woman who you are. Tell me, what are you doing to take care of yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:50pm
hi Marta I read your story I'm sorry he wasn't good enough to you. I was hoping you could help me with my situation. I've been threatening the big "D" for quite a while and now I've made my decision where do I begin the procedures I don't know the first thing about it. I just want out. I want to be fair and figure out a way he can see his daughter. I just want away from him. I never seem to have any happy moments anymore. I don't think it's a conducive enviroment with me living here anymore. Maybe if we just live near each other that should suffice? I need guidance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:52pm

Hi Dutygirl21


If he also wants to get a divorce then you can proceed with an uncontested divorce. In most states you can file, and if you already have your agreement, things can go pretty quickly. Some states have legal separation. I would start with that unless you are 100% sure you want out. From what I have read, if you are planning on sharing custody / residency, you must stay within a 20 mile radius from each other. Again, if your divorce is uncontested you come up with the terms-- everything from where your DD goes to school, who goes to PTA meetings, etc....---.


My advice to you is to call lawyers and get a free consultation. Search on line and go to your county's family law website to get basic information. I spoke with 2 other lawyers prior to hiring mine. You, unlike me, seem to be sure that you want

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 1:25pm

YOU GO GIRL!


the only sure thing you have in life is yourself. you can count on no-one else for sure, and you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself first.


i know this has been a tremendously difficult decision for you, and i can't even begin to imagine how hard it is. but you have taken the first step toward finding a love that is actually love -- and does not use and hurt you.


big hugs and congratulations! you have embarked on a new life...it may be hard, but you will make it. you will be stronger, and happier, than you ever thought possible.


you will you will you will!


hugz.