I did it...I broke up with him
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| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 9:07pm |
Last night I just couldn't handle the stress, and talked to my boyfriend about how resentful I feel towards him. Why am I resentful of him? Because he moved into my apartment on me while I was away on a work trip, two months into our 'relationship'. I'm 24, he is 20 and was previously still living with his parents. The only reason he had keys to the apartment was because I asked and trusted him in coming over to feed my cats while I am away on work trips (I work onboard Amtrak trains, so I can be away for up to six days at a time).
It's been roughly 3 months since he moved in. We talked (a rarity for me!) and I told him about how I felt about him just 'moving in' on me. Back then, he called me and told me his woes about his parents and him fighting, so I told him he could spend *a night or two* at my apartment. When I came home from my trip, he spread his arms wide and went "I'm living with you now!" and I'm sure I looked like O__o
In my niiavity (sp?) I guess I thought he and his parents would work their problems out...And he would go back in a few days, so I didn't say anything. Of course here we are a few months later...I really partly blame myself, I should have brought this crap up sooner with him. But a part of me thinks that stuff will work itself out, whether it was with him and his 'rents or with me and these feelings. Obviously, I was wrong.
I also asked him what we have in common. I noticed that we had this problem of not talking...About anything, really. We went out to eat at restaurants, and saw movies, but we didn't TALK. You know what I mean? It's pretty safe to say, I fell out of love with him (if I ever was truely in love with him...Our relationship, in my opinion, didn't progress naturally...). Of course he says he still loves me, which I suppose is natural...He had NO idea I felt this way!
Basically, I told him that I wanted MY apartment back. You see, prior to going out with him, I had been living with a previous boyfriend of nearly two years, and he had just moved out. I really didn't get any *ME* time, and I think that was what I was missing.
And the worst part is, I feel soooo terrible for having these feelings. I guess part of me just wishes that I could have been comfortable with the situation, but I couldn't force myself to, and I couldn't deny these feelings either. I hope I'm not too horrible :X I did feel so much better when I got all that crap off of my chest, though, I tell you that.
Now, as far as it goes, I'm living alone in a 1,000 sq.foot apartment by myself (well, and two cats!). One cat is the ex's, but he's staying with me for now since he can't take his cat to his parent's house (they're allergic). My living arrangements go hand in hand with my job, because again I work onboard Amtrak trains. I am literally gone from Life, the Universe, and Everything (essentially, life, home, and the state) for half of the month. I do not think it is worth it to me to pay upwards of $850 a month on an apartment I will hardly ever be at! I could afford it, surely, but would have no money to save in a savings account.
I COULD move into my dad's house, he has tons of space as he doesn't live with anyone else. I would essentially have the walk out basement to myself, and he wouldn't charge me hardly anything for rent. Making the money I do make, I could save a LOT up. Saving money is good. And with my job, I don't need to be forking over so much for an apartment.
Finding a rommate would be a good idea, however, I do not know ANYONE who needs a roommate or who needs a place to live.
If anyone has any ideas on how to cope with this...loss, or with any living arrangement ideas, I'd love to hear them! Thanks so much for letting me rant!

Hi and welcome to the board!
From the sound of your post, I think you did the right thing.
I'm sure there are apartments around here that are totally less expensive, but I don't know of any, and neither do the people I know around here, but I will start looking more. I would LOVE to buy a house, so I wouldn't be just throwing money away on an apartment...But I don't think I want to live in NW Indiana for a while *laughs* Although I have nothing else to do, either.
With my job I am literally gone from home for half the month - my last 'run' on Amtrak was working the cafe on train #27 the Empire Builder, where I was away for six days. Now, I got six days off, but that's a long time yanno?
I really wish I knew someone who needed a roommate (other than my dad...*laughs*) but I must admit, living with him would make it a LOT easier to save money up to buy a house (or just to save money up, for whatever comes around).
Thank you so much for your reply! You don't know what it means to me. I don't really have any friends in this area, so I've only really been able to talk to people online about my situation.
Well, there is certainly nothing wrong with living with a parent for awhile to save money... how do you think I was able to get my place?