I don't get it

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
I don't get it
5
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 8:59pm
Although the other "woman" is not the one to blame, I can't help but keep questioning, why her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:40pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:52pm

::HE pretty much sums everything up that I'm too good for him, and he can never be a good man to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:10pm

3-5 is why my ex-H strayed for sure. I did have a revenge affair techncally( he had moved out but was a the house til the kids went to bed and we we trying rebulding). I did pick someone younger and way hotter, but it was a revenge thing.


I honeslty believe that affairs mean the relationship is wrong and can't be fixed. However, I also believe like in the article that no one person can satisfy all the facets of a human being, so eah partner needs their own life and space.


Tyler Perry;s new movie talks about "the 80-20 rules" meaning that in a LTR the best you can expect is 80 percent of your needs being met, and it is stupid to trade it in for the person that only mees 20 percent. After the rollercoaster that my life has been the past 2 years, I think this makes perfect sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 8:38pm

Some people most definitely believe they are not good enough for someone else and will sabotage what "should be" a great relationship and trade it in for one that actually reflects *how they see themselves* You've heard of self-destructive habits, this is one of them. Unfortunately, you can't put yourself in the position to "help" him because you aren't a therapist, and besides, if you did morph into that for him, he wouldn't be attracted to you anyway.

Water seeks its own level, go find your level. It doesn't look like he's it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 12:09am
lulu, my ex was the same. he would always tell me that maybe i deserve better, maybe i deserve more, maybe he cannot give me what i need. of course i thought this was ridiculous. i love him. but he clearly has insecurities and i guess dating me made him feel not good enough and made him feel bad about himself. i have to imagine that was not good for him, especially since he was a recovered addict. feeling bad about himself maybe made him feel like he used to feel when he was using drugs to alleviate his pain? i do not know. i am almost at 4 weeks, and still sad. still miss him. still wish he knew how wonderful he is. but there is nothing i can do. looking back at things, i almost think he is depressed and could really use some therapy/medicine, but that is not my place now. i hope he is doing ok. wish he were still around. so yes, i think that people can really feel this way, that it is not a crock. they feel inadequate which makes them feel bad being in the relationship, so they run away cause they cannot handle things. at least that is my current experience. sucks.