I dont know what to do...
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I dont know what to do...
| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:49pm |
Okay, so where do i start? I have been with my love for almost 2 yrs. We moved in together right away. I think this might be the problem. But when we did move in we weren't living in our own place. Now we have been living in our own place since last Nov. It has got to the point where we fight over and over again. We fight and then forgive eachother. I will admit there is some psyhical abuse on mostly my part. Everytime she says something like....(im moving out, i dont want to be with you anymore, or stuff like i want to be alone and be with nobody) or just anything like that i will flare up and start calling her nasty names and saying i wish she was dead and all that other stuff. It happen just today before she left for work. This is what happened....She was being very irritable and mean to me and then she would be all nice and hug me...then finally shes like im sick of living with someone i want to live alone blah blah blah...im like what are you talking about you cant do that to me..if you love me you wouldnt do that. And then i blew up and started screaming and saying i wish she was dead and all this other stuff. Which i dont wish she was cause i really do love her so much. She wants to move back in with her parents and im like that's not living alone. She says well least i dont get followed everywhere i go, and questioned about what im doing. Which i do admit i do follow her around sometimes and go everywhere with her and question. I know that's probably the main things that are pushing her away. The thing is..i cant move on..i cant deal with her being with someone else and me seeing it. On top of it all i have no one else besides her. I dont have any other friends or even family only cause i made the biggest mistake of my life and moved in with her. I left everything! I just dont know what to do! Im so depressed and alone feeling because i have no one at all. I cant afford to pay for the apartment by myself because i quit my job and only have so much money. A part of me wants to move on and just make friends and have fun. But a part of me just wants to be with her and only just be with her. I have a tendancy to just isolate myself from everyone besides one person. I really want to get out there and meet people and have fun but what is stopping me really is being with her. I dont like change and i dont want things to change. I dont want to have to go through with saying goodbye for the last time and not having her to be there for me or me being there for her and me seeing her with someone else would kill me because i still have very strong feelings for her. She tells me she dont want to be with me anymore and shes moving out. I really think she doesnt love me. I really dont know what to do. I have nobody, i have no where to go, no family, no friends, nothing at all. I cant go back home because i would never ever hear the end of it. What im feeling right now is i just made the biggest mistake of my life and i have no clue on how to fix it. I think today was really the end. Im so alone, depressed and hurt by all this. Sad thing is she says i dont care anymore why dont you just go home. Its like it doesnt even bother her that she doesnt want me hear anymore. What also depresses me is that my 21st bday is coming up real quick and im not doing anything for it. She's going to be at work all day and i will be at home all alone. This is why i need to make friends. You are suppose to have fun on your 21st bday, but not me i will be sitting all alone. :(. I really just dont know what to do about all this. I need help! So if someone could give me advice id love it.

Welcome to the board fallingapart,
Physical abuse?