I don't know what to do anymore...

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Registered: 03-27-2003
I don't know what to do anymore...
5
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:47am

Hi, I'm Kerry (24) and I'm unfortunately new here.







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anonymous user
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 2:44pm
Hi Kerry,

He's a big time loser, who doesn't know how to treat people. You deserve better. And I do know how you feel. My world fell apart when my ex broke up with me. And over 2 months later I still feel sad and am trying to pick up the pieces. He has lost out on this one, trust me. The guy couldn't even breakup with you to your face hun. And I know this isn't the biggest issue, but he has the ferrets? Take the pets. Take them. he already took so much from you. Right now, you have to do everything to get yourself back to a place where you feel in control. Cause I know you must feel like you didn't have a choice in this. You deserve to be in a relationship with some who loves you.

YOU want kids

YOU want to be with someone who works

YOU WANT THINGS

and you should never settle for someone who can't give you those things. He has treated you horribly, and now you need to forget about him. Uh huh. Easier said than done, I know. You have to FORCE yourself to go out. To do stuff that maybe you feel like you have no energy to do, no desire to do. But do it. Every second that you're not thinking about him is a good second.

"I want him to call and tell me he's sorry and that he does want to spend his life with me and does want to provide for me, but I know he won't. And even if he does, it'll be lies, just like before. But I can't stop loving him"

Nope, it'll take awhile to stop loving him. and maybe you never will stop. But you WILL build your life back up again. Cause it's YOUR life. You are responsible for it. I know how scary it is to be alone. To have lost all that comfort. To not have him around. To not at least hear from him. And it must be driving to crazy to not know if he's thinking of you. He's a jerk hun. Plain and simple. Maybe you'll get back together, but don't forget about the lies, and the pain. Give yourself time. Get back to doing things for YOU. And let yourself heal a bit before being in touch with him.

I don't know why he doesn't love you enough. If he did, he wouldn't let you go. Not for a second. You'll find someone like that. I'm 25, and all I've been hearing is "how young I am". And ya know what? I guess it's true. Take a look around you at all the divorces and unhappy couples. Do you want that? Or are you willing to wait? Just a bit longer than you had planned? Think about it hun, and take care of yourself,

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:08pm
I was in the same situation you were in, I dated my boyfriend for 5 years and all of a sudden he didn't want it anymore, he decided he didn't want to marry me. Getting over someone is a very difficult thing to do and your #1 support should be your family and friends. The most important thing is: DO NOT START DATING AGAIN. Start over when you are ready, the last thing you want to do is hurt somebody else because you have not finished healing.

I thought it was the end of the world, yeah, you will cry a lot and feel terrible, but remember it was nothing you did wrong and it is only going to be his loss. Take the pictures down and put all the memories away. It hurts and it's very hard to do. Just keep busy, join groups, hang out with family and friends, get part-time job, take up a hobby. Just don't date until you are ready. I started dating too early and hurt another guy really bad because I baked out on him. What I did was moved out of my parents house, got an extra job and I got a puppy. The dog may sound extreme but I love animals and bringing a living animal into my life gave me a whole new responsibility. All my time was with her and I paid no attention to the heartache.

Cheer up and things will get better over time.

I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:56pm
Hey you, Read my posting from yesterday "dying inside of sadness". Sounds like we are going thru a very similar experience.

Its torture beleive me I know. And because I have not begun healing yet, I dont have a triumphant story to tell (yet!!) But I can say I have surrounded myself with family and friends, and I do anything and everything to make myself happy right now. I dont have a plan of how to face each day, I just take it as it comes. I think we can help eachother, as we have such similar stories. I will pray for you to have peace and hope as I pray for myself. Good luck and know you have a friend out here !!!

bprinces~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:05pm
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now but it will get better....of that i am sure...

the one thing i have always heard that guys have a way different timetable when it comes to break ups...girls get sad and stay sad right away...while the guys seem to go out and party and do all that they can do to forget....and that works for them for a while...

BUT

just when you are finally getting over them a lot of them come back begging for a second chance....

the best thing for you to do now is take care of yourself. it is so good that you moved back with your family...and friends....eventually you will want to start doing things and that is how you will heal.

i know you dont feel it now but i think you are lucky to have this happen now and not after you are married with a couple of kids....this guy sounds like an immature little boy who does not like responsibility...and you deserve much better than that. when you get sad try to remember all the bad things about him ... and all the things he was lacking that you need for a happy life....

being with someone for a lifetime is very hard even if the guy is perfect...so while dating look for someone who shares your same values and goals.....that is key to success...

you must have gotten involved with him at a very young age....when we are young we dont have a clue as to what we want for our lives....so you grew up and he did not....not your fault....

this is all about him not you...remember....it is not your deficit...it is his loss....and your gain...

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:35pm
Welcome to the board! I'm so sorry you're going through this....I couldn't even imagine what you're going through. He should have waited until you came home and discussed this with you. I know it's tough but he's made his descion and you have to learn to respect that. Try and stay busy....job hunt, hang out with friends and family, exercise, take up a new hobby....anything to occupy your time. I wish you the best and we're here if you need us!!!









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