i dont know what to do help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
i dont know what to do help me!
2
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:45pm
What would you do if you love your boyfriend very much and he was really sweet and nice when you met him. You have been going out wit him for one year and everything is going GREAT until suddenly he starts to change. He says isnt sure if he loves you. To add on to that everyday you have to listen to him talkin about how he isnt sure if you are the one for him and that he might want another girl. He isnt sweet and lovin anymore sometimes he acts cold and he treats you like crap. You have tired EVERYTHING possible to help him. You have been there for him supported him even if it hurts you deeply to hear him say he doesnt kno if you are the one. Everyday you get hurt emotionaly cause of this you give him all your love and time and always try to be there and he doesnt seem to appriciate it or understand how GREAT your being to him. You feel like NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO he always says " what if there is someone better". What would you do? Would you dump him or not?
Avatar for angilena
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:58pm
you know what to do. that little voice in your head, that caused you to reach out for help, that wont shut up and keeps saying "this relationship doesnt feel quite right, this isnt how i want to be loved" that little voice is called SELF-ESTEEM-and yours is and will cont to be seriously jeopardized if you stay under these circumstances. it sounds like he is confused and possibly has the grass is greener syndrome. i suspect you are both young. your self identity seems to be lost and easily compromised. you need to be be strong and be good to YOU. perhaps your loss of yourself is what brought the relationship to this place. if you dont love you -how can anyone else? i know this is very very hard, but you need to let go of him and you know it-you just have to conjure the strength to do it-STEP 1 of a long road, you can do it!

love, a
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:05pm
Don't dump him... break it off with him. As hard as it is, you can either separate yourself from him now - and take pride that you are strong enough to go on without him, or you can wait until you are even more miserable and he breaks up with you himself. I can relate to a relationship that was incredible during the first year, having a man that is everything we could have possibly dreamed of... and then watching that same man disappear into someone we don't know (and don't want to know). I say not to "dump him" because I believe those men we had still exist, somewhere - moreover - we are nice, mature, strong women who don't want to hurt the men we love. Breaking it off with them means that we still love them, but the status of the relationship is not acceptable to us anymore. That neither of us is happy, and we are reasonably certain that we have done everything to try and figure out what caused the change and fix it. Since we've done that, and it hasn't fixed anything, we are forced to let go. We don't want to, we still remember the way it used to be. But we live in the present, not the past, and we haven't been given an option this time. We can either accept it and move toward happiness sooner - or hang on to the past, and prolong our unhappiness. Yes, it stinks - but we can do it.