I don't know what to do!!!! Please Help
Find a Conversation
I don't know what to do!!!! Please Help
| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:24pm |
My girlfriend broke up with me about a 2 months or so ago, but it really wasn't a true breakup until about a week ago. During those 2 months we continued our physical relationship and althought we weren't technically together, we still acted the same way. Well this past week, my entire world came crashing down on me. U see, there is this guy who she has thought was very cute since our freshman year of college, but has always denied it to me. Well now, he actually started talking to her, and our relationship has gone to absolute shambles. She doesn't want anything physical anymore, not even my arm around her when we go for walks.I just dont understand how she can get me over this quick. She is obsessed with this guy, who isnt anything special except for his looks. She is acting very vein and he is def a player. Because of them sending messages on facebook and walking back from class together, I have been unable to eat all week long. I can't sleep long at all, usually sleeping for only 5 hours. I wake up every morning and feel sick and usually throw up because of my nerves. When I ask her about us, she says she still loves me but is not in love with me, but we have been dating for almost 3 years and have spent every minute together. It feels like im losing my best friend, and my first love. She still says she wants to be best of friends, but I cant do that. I still want more. I have been doing everything lately for her, I got her roses, anything she needed I got for her. This hurts soooo much. I dont know what to do. Thank god winter break is coming up for me, because I dont know how much longer I can last being in the same dorm, right across the hallway from her. I feel jealous,neuasous,sad, I just want another chance but I know it will only hurt me more. What do I do? What are the best ways to get over this incredible pain and jealousy? Please help me

The only way to deal with it is to go through the pain. It takes times. There is no magic way to dismiss the feelings.
Here are some things to think about to hopefully help you detatch a little. She wants to remain friends, because like you said, you two have been together for a long time and it's easy and comfortable.....also if you are still willing to be her friend, then you can't be too mad at her, she can't be *so* bad, if you are willing to be her friend. The thing is remaining friends with her is not in your best interest. You need 'no contact' for awhile.
You are really upset now, because this other guy makes it real, even though you broke up 2 months ago, seeing her and still sleeping with her has made the break-up drag on and allowed you to believe that there was still hope at repairing the relationship.
Couple's don't always realize that they have to 'actively' work on staying in love and meeting their partners needs. There are a few good books for that: Dr Phil, Relationship Rescue, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Five Love Language by Gary Chapman.
You will have to force yourself to take care of you. Value you. Be good to yourself. Stay away from her, for your own well-being. You can't be her friend right now. Vent on paper, write her UNSENT letters if need be, then burn them.
Find something that will stay down...even if it's drinking protein shakes, liquid vitamins, crackers. Taking care of you has to be your priority.
If you got another chance (which the ego really wants) you are right about the hurt - she's already hurt you, even if she decided to work on things with you, you will have to deal with why she went for this guy, why did she treat you the way she did, etc.
Sorry you have to go through this. Break-ups are really hard.
This board is usually really slow on the weekends, but hopefully you will get some good advice.
Carrie
hey buddy, it's time to cut your losses and forget it.
Your relationship was over a while back - the only thing continuing it was the "friends with benefits" deal. And even that is gone now. You can't *make* her love you, and nothing you do will change that. It's her loss she's walking away from the relationship - content yourself with the fact she doesn't know what's she's throwing away and tell yourself you'll be a better person from this.
I know it's hard to just walk, trust me, I had the same thing pulled on me four months ago except more abrupt - it's made this semester miserable, but that's life and it's a learning experience. You have to cut it because it's about respecting yourself.
And yes, I woke up in the morning feeling like absolute miserable sh!t...and there were days I'm sure I wasn't very functional. And there definitely was lots of partying and drinking with friends, as empty as it was. It sucks. But it gets manageable day by day.
Good luck.
I won't sugarcoat this for you: she is immature and selfish. If she is going to leave a man who has been so good to her for such an obvious jerk then she IS NOT WORTH IT!! Cut off all contact with her (she does not deserve your friendship) and make this time all about you. Take care of yourself and think of new challenges and hobbies to take on to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself by the people who love you (friends and family) and you will be fine.
And remember Karma is a b**tch, and she will learn that the hardway.